We Ranked The Disney Villains From Least Gay To Most Gay
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...who is the gayest one of all?
Hello. We're Sam and Stephen and we're very, very gay! That means we've spent a *LOT* of time thinking about which Disney villains are gay and which aren't (Spoiler: THEY'RE ALL PRETTY QUEER. But some are gayer than others.) We already know
Disney is very gay — we don't make the rules. Here's our ranking, from least to most gay.
On a scale of 1–gay: 0.025
Why: Lady Tremaine, aka Cinderella’s evil stepmother, has got to be the most heterosexual of the bunch. She’s uptight, boring, and obsessed with the royal family — she’s basically the late-1600s version of your Aunt Meredith. If Lady Tremaine were alive today, she’d DVR Dancing with the Stars and ask to speak to a manager every time she set foot in a Chili’s. It doesn’t get much straighter than that!
On a scale of 1–gay: 2
Why: Her nickname is "The Mistress of All Evil" which seems fairly gay to us. Her face alone could get her cast on Drag Race, and those horns definitely indicate some bi-curiousness at the least. Having said that, her evil castle lair is in serious need of a visit from the Queer Eye guys (Have you SEEN the state of disrepair it's in? And don't get us started on those heinous henchman), which bumps her down on this list.
On a scale of 1–gay: 2.5
Why: Don’t let the ~flaming~ hair fool you: Hades is actually pretty straight! He might be King of the Underworld — which is where we’re told all the gays are headed — but there’s not much else gay about him. Sure, he probably appreciates Hercules’ impeccable physique, but even the straightest man in the world is allowed a quick glance every once in awhile. Still straight!
Cruella de Vil
On a scale of 1–gay: 5
Why: Well for starters, she's got serious road rage, and everyone knows gay people come out first as LGBTQ and then second as horrible drivers. The coat, the makeup, the hair — it all screams power lesbian to us. But there are gayer villains, for sure.
Queen of Hearts
On a scale of 1–gay: 6
Why: She may be married to a man now, but the Queen of Hearts has for SURE dipped her toe into the lady pond once or twice. Plus, look at the King of Hearts. He’s tiny. You know our butch Queen is bossing him around in the bedroom, and that earns her some solid queer points in our book.
On a scale of 1–gay: 6.9
Why: She's more of a gay ICON than actually gay. Like, we're sorry — those nails are a bit of a problem (lesbians know what we mean)! But her outfits are worthy of this spot alone on the list. Plus, she's living every gay man's fantasy by having a hunky, dim-witted bodyguard (yes, Kronk is hot). You know Yzma would be more at home at Flaming Saddles or The Abbey than any straight bar, and that bumps her up on this list.
On a scale of 1–gay: 7
Why: Don’t let his obsession with Jasmine fool you — lots of gays are desperate for a beard! Jafar is fashionable, he’s eccentric, he walks around carrying a giant snake staff, and he named his pet bird after a character from Shakespeare. That’s pretty damn queer!
The Evil Queen
On a scale of 1–gay: 8.5
Why: An evil queen starts out with her face beat to perfection and outfit on point, only to be driven to jealousy and rage when a younger individual threatens her social status. In her madness, she drinks a concoction and by the end of the story turns into a disheveled wreck and falls to her death. Are we talking about Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs or any gay man's weekend out in West Hollywood? You tell us! Anyway, the Evil Queen is very gay.
On a scale of 1–gay: 9
Why: His flowing locks, his fabulous coat, his big poofy hat — not to mention his penchant for catching fairies. Our dear Captain Hook is gay! We’ve all heard stories about what happens amongst men at sea...you can only imagine what kind of things go down between Hook and Smee in those Captain’s quarters.
On a scale of 1–gay: 9.5
Why: Killed his own brother and framed the murder on his adolescent nephew. We're sorry, but no straight character is capable of being that petty. We don't make the rules! A femme icon, and worthy of the third spot on this list.
On a scale of 1–gay: Gay
Why: Oh, Gaston is GAY. He’s a gym-obsessed muscle daddy who’s constantly checking out his own reflection. If Gaston were around today, he’d be a total Instagram gay who does sponsored content for Andrew Christian and hashtags his posts #BicepsToSpare. Plus, Disney already confirmed that Lefou is gay, and we know that every bottom needs a top...
On a scale of 1–gay: GAYYYYYYYYY
Why: She's literally modeled after the drag queen Divine. Only a true gay diva would plot to steal another vocalist's pipes (that stuff is MADE for gay stan Twitter — she's the Mariah to Ariel's Ariana). A queer icon, and worthy of the gayest spot on this list. Nostalgia Trip
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