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How Geordie Are You?

Howay, pets.

Posted on
Photo Illustration by Matt Tucker, Getty / Rex/Thinkstock
  1. 1. As far as you’re concerned, this man is?

    Getty
    Correct
    Incorrect
    An ex-England football captain.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    That man with the tight trousers who is sometimes on the television… didn’t he play rugga?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A ex-Newcastle United footballer.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A sheet-metal worker’s son from Gosforth, who rejected Manchester United to score 206 goals for his hometown club and become the greatest player in Newcastle’s history.
  2. 2. March. Time to get dressed and go outside. Do you:

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Fetch your matching fur hat and coat.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Automatically change into shorts and a t-shirt until December.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Consider removing your ‘thermals’.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Leave your coat behind.
  3. 3. "Thor wes lots o’ lads an’ lasses there, all wi’ smiling faces / Gawn alang the Scotswood Road…"

    Correct
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    "…to see the Blaydon Races!"
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    Incorrect
    "…let’s get ready to rumble!"
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Are you talking Basque? How wonderful.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    "…to see the bonny Angel!"
  4. 4. The Bigg Market is?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Where they trade cattle. And whippets.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Newcastle’s biggest outdoor food market.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Where you go to get drunk and fight.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Where Cheryl Cole is from.
  5. 5. You’re on a busy train and a slightly drunk stranger tries to start a conversation with you. Do you:

    Correct
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    Ask them for a can, and enjoy the craic until it’s your stop.
    Correct
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    Say as little as humanly possible, then pretend to go the toilet and change carriages.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Be polite, but try not to encourage him.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Find the nearest train guard and inform them an anti-social disturbance is taking place.
  6. 6. A little old lady is friendly when serving you in a shop. Do you:

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Say: “Cheers, pet!”
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Say “Cheers, pet!” and cheekily ask her if she fancies a drink later.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Smile politely, then double check your change.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Feel happy, walk out, then spend a moment worrying you weren’t friendly enough in return.
  7. 7. ‘Parmo’ is?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    A rustic town in Southern Italy.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A football team in Europe.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Canny, if you’re clamming.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Something to do with kebab shops.
  8. 8. When would a person be most likely to use the phrase: “Haddaway man gadgie I'm gan yem to me scratcha I'm paggered!”

    Correct
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    When chatting someone up.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    When declining a drink.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    When greeting a friend.
    Correct
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    When delirious with some sort of awful disease.
  9. 9. Where can I get a good pasty?

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    Pastry?! Don’t be disgusting!
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Cooplands.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Greggs.
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    Incorrect
    Cornwall.
  10. 10. What you having on those fish and chips?

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    Fresh garden peas with just a hint of mint.
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    Just salt for me, thanks.
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    Incorrect
    Gravy please!
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    Scraps, gravy, vinegar and a smokey sausage. And maybe a pickled egg.
  11. 11. What has been the greatest sporting event in Britain over the past 20 years?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    The 2012 Olympics.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    England winning the 2003 rugby world cup.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Andy Murray winning Wimbledon in 2013.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Newcastle 5 – 0 Manchester United 1996.
  12. 12. Where does ‘the north’ begin?

    Correct
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    Islington.
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    Northampton.
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    Manchester.
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    Leeds.
  13. 13. What is the best view of St. James’ Park?

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    Incorrect
    Well that rather depends on whether one wishes to see the palaces.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Your sofa with Sky Sports on.
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    The top tier of the Sir John Hall Stand.
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    The Gallowgate.
  14. 14. What is a ‘bobby dazzla’?

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    Incorrect
    A special laser pen used to shine in policemen’s eyes.
    Correct
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    Someone who looks great (or thinks they do).
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    A extremely sharp outfit.
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    Incorrect
    An 80s comedian, last seen doing the rounds at Butlins.
  15. 15. Any finally, which is the greatest city in the world?

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    Incorrect
    London.
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    Incorrect
    New York.
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    Incorrect
    Paris.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    The fucking Toon, pet!
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