1. Get home at a responsible hour so no one worries about you.
2. Eat three square meals a day, for at least a week. Being regular is important.
3. Don't take that last shot of tequila for once. Everyone will thank you for it.
4. Bring an extra sweater with you everywhere you go.
5. Bake THEM cookies for a change. (Bonus points if they're not from a tube, but any effort will be appreciated.)
6. Not call to complain about the total Zero you're having dating problems with. Also, maybe stop dating that loser.
7. Only text at reasonable hours of the day.
8. Wear comfortable shoes for once. Blisters aren't fun for anyone.
9. Set a personal budget and actually stick to it. Really. That way you don't have to borrow five dollars for coffee.
10. Get into work at least a little early every day for a week.
11. Only have one cup of coffee each day, so your bodily functions don't just collapse.
12. Not stalk your ex on social media. NO MATTER WHAT.
13. Refrain from checking WebMD too often.
14. Send them some nice flowers.
15. Tell them jokes at random times that involve puns. Who doesn't love a good pun?
16. Set solid career goals for your future without crying.
17. Use coupons more frequently. Yes, Groupons count.
18. Watch a documentary on Netflix instead of Scandal. Just mix things up a little.
19. Refrain from making fun of them when they talk to a dog at a party. The dog is probably way cooler than everyone else anyway.
20. Do some light reading before bed instead of staring your eyeballs into oblivion at your phone.
21. Keep any doctor's appointments you might've made.
22. Call your actual mother for once. She probably misses you.
23. Pay your rent on time and also all your other bills.
24. Pick up a safe, new hobby. Like knitting. Or learning a new language. Just, anything that will keep you safe from the scary world we live in.
25. Give them a demurely scented candle that they'll pretend they don't already own.
