"Cat guys are sensitive and sweet and ~deep~. Loving a cat is complicated work for complicated people."
"But like, you can also get a guy that's like, 'Ugh, I'm so complicated, only my cat understands meeee' instead of like, 'I LOVE MY DOG AND OTHERS ARE WELCOME.'"
"There's nothing more adorable than a cute guy like this with a kitten cuddled on him somewhere."
"But like, what about a guy whose smile matches his dog's and they're just best buds, cuddling and runnin' and bein' happy."
"Dog DILFs are jocks."
"I feel like dog DILF are always sweaty. :/"
"If dog DILFs are always sweaty, it's like, sweaty in a good way. Like, sweaty because I just went running, shirtless, with my dog through the park. Cat guys don't go running."
"Yeah, cat guys don't go running. What's your point? They're too busy making you mix tapes and combing your hair."
"What's wrong with being sweaty? It just means you were runnin' around having a blast and then you'll have to go home and take a bath. With your dog. And lots of bubbles."
"I will say the the TYPE of dog is important. If it's a small dog, it's to get in a girl's pants; but if it's like a normal dog, then it's cool and for the improvement of their life. But having a dog takes more commitment, you have to be NURTURING."
"At least we agree on one thing because guys with small dogs CANNOT get it."
"This is another argument, but guys with small dogs are NOT hands-down off limits all the time."
"A man who love cats is like, 'You can fuck up however many ways you want, and I will still love you.' A man who loves dogs is like, 'You BETTER be waiting by the door when I come home or it's over.'"
"OH NO NO NO. A cat man is like, 'You can fuck up however you want because I'm such a fuck up and I'm gonna cry about it all day wah wah wah.'"
"Dudes who love dogs want attention all the time. They're needy. Cat dudes are like 'chill over in the other room, I'll just be here reading, waiting for you to feel like cuddling. It's cool.'"
"Cat dudes are never just 'in the other room' reading. They're in the other room COMMITTING MURDER."
"Hahahaha, but NO."
"Dog dudes are pure. They can't misbehave because they're always being watched."
"This guy and this cat both look so emotionally unavailable."
"Yeah, that man looks like he has bad secrets."
"The FACT that the cat is letting him touch his belly is like AMAZING. They have earned a level of TRUST."
"But both of them are like, 'We understand each other, it took a lot, no more applicants.'"
"If you understand a cat, and love it, you are the opposite of emotionally unavailable. You are like a superhero."
"A dog will NOT put up with your shit."
"UM YES THEY WILL. THAT IS ALL DOGS DO."
"Dogs are very emotional creatures! If you are mean to a dog or are mean to other people, they KNOW and react accordingly."
"They are emotional in the sense that they want loooooove all the time, which is cute I guess if you're in the honeymoon stage of a relationship but after a while..."
"A girl wants to just be able to climb to the top shelf in the kitchen and knock some stuff off while her boyfriend watches TV."
"Cats require a sensitive touch. Cats are delicate. If you know what I'm saying."
"But like sometimes it's good to be ruffed up."
"Lil Bub's dude is the PERFECT EXAMPLE. He is CARING and CUTE."
"Sensitive. Bearded. Artistic. Just like all cat dudes."
"OK, LIL BUB'S DUDE is exceptional."
"I'm not saying there can't also be hot dog dudes. BUT if you could go on a blind date with a guy who loves his cat vs. a guy who loves his dog, the cat guy is soooooo much more likely to be smart and interesting."
"You're just calling dogs vapid, which is very insulting."
"Dogs are basic. Sorry. 'Man's best friend?' So basic."
"OH WOW. OH WOWOWOWO. Dogs have LAYERS. You can have inside jokes with dogs and create your own language that is very important. The ability to do THAT in a relationship is very key."
"No, cats are the best because you can play with them and they're like your BFF who hates the same people that you do."
"But they also hate YOU sometimes."
"Yeah, but only if you fuck up, which is fair."
"Dog dudes have dogs as their friends, but they also have other friends. Cat dudes just have their cats. That's all they have. They just have one friend, and it's a cat."
"I'm cool with it."
"They're just confident in who they are."
"Cat dudes are like, 'Let's just stay in tonight and make dinner.' Dog dudes are like, 'BUT THERE'S A PARTY.'"
"Guess who's gonna protect you if a crazy non-animal people comes after you at night? NOT THE GUY WITH THE CAT. Men with cats have never defended anything in their lives."
"The cat guy would just cry and write a song about it while you died on the floor and his cat drank your blood."
"At least someone wrote a song about you. Dog dudes are basically illiterate. They're into Dave Matthews Band. They've never even heard music."
"Cat dudes have never left their Elliot Smith phase."
"Cat dudes aren't only listening to Elliot Smith. They are also listening to experimental prog rock and freak folk."
"Constant existential crises though is ANNOYING, I'm too angsty myself for that. GIVE ME SOME LAUGHTER, OKAY."
"But like, do I wanna watch Amelie or do I wanna watch BASEketball? Think about it."
"I just think dogs take effort. Dogs take caring. A man with a dog is a man who cares about another being. He HAS to take care of a thing. Cat dudes have NO responsibility. They just want a live thing running around and they don't even have to care about it. DOG MEN CARE."
"I think what it comes down to: Most people are terrible, animal people are less so."
"One very real thing: both cat dudes and dog dudes are like 100000000000000% better than dudes who are like, 'Animals, eh.' Guys who don't like animals are sociopaths and you shouldn't touch them with a 10-foot pole."