46 Thoughts Every Sloth Has

What day is it?

Thinkstock / thinkstockphotos.com|shane+partridge

1. What day is it?
2. How long have I been asleep, jeez.
3. Hope I didn’t miss any important phone calls while I was out.
4. Not that anybody calls me THAT often, but still.
5. It’d be a shame to miss out on the one time someone does.
6. Maybe I should get a louder ringtone.
7. Just kidding, once I’m asleep I’m basically dead to the world.
8. Makes for peaceful rest, though.

Thinkstock / thinkstockphotos.com|AnatoleFrance

9. I wonder if other animals love breakfast as much as I do.
10. The only problem is that I never make it to the drive-thru window in time for that menu. Like, they should really have extended breakfast hours on weekends.
11. We should’ve advanced that far as a society by now.
12. Guess I’m left to my own devices as far as food goes.
13. Eh, I’m not in any rush.
14. I’ll eat. Eventually.
15. Haha, “fast” food. Get it? Good ol’ sloth humor.

Thinkstock / thinkstockphotos.com|danefromspain

16. Was I supposed to go to the gym today?
17. I honestly can’t remember.
18. I should buy a planner to write all these things down, that way I won’t feel like a fool and waste so much time thinking about trying to remember.
19. A planner would make me seem soooooo responsible.
20. I could even write down, like, other to-do lists.
21. Even if I don’t technically have anything to do, it’d be nice to have it all in one place.
22. Wow, moving those last five inches really took a lot out of me.
23. PHEW. I FEEL THE BURN.
24. WHO NEEDS THE GYM? THE WORLD IS MY GYM!

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25. The world is also my nap spot.
26. Having a good nap spot is so key to having a good life, man.
27. It just keeps you centered and feeling alive, which is really important.
28. You know what else makes you feel alive? Catching up with an awesome show on Netflix, dang.
29. I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing lately but it is SO rewarding!
30. If you ever need a pick-me-up, just marathon the crap out of a series, and you’ll feel instantly better about yourself. Guaranteed.
31. It’s all about accomplishing goals, that’s all.
32. And my goal is to be awesome, 24/7.

33. Was the grocery store always this far away?
34. Dang.
35. I feel like it definitely moved.
36. Oh well, I don’t have anything else going on today now that my gym plans fell through.
37. Maybe I’ll call Bill and see what he’s up to.
38. I’d hate to interrupt him if he’s not doing anything today.
39. “Not doing anything” is the best plan to have, ideally.
40. It’s even better than actually sleeping, because you can be awake to enjoy it.

Thinkstock / thinkstockphotos.com|Adam_C_King

41. Gosh, the sun is already setting.
42. Where did the day go?!
43. At least I had a nice time.
44. Made some really solid idea plans.
45. I’m more proud of that than I would be executing said plans.
46. Well done, me!

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