The 15 Creepiest Things That Happened On "The Bachelor" Last Night

"Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party? Because he wanted to find a tight seal.” - A VAGINA JOKE TOLD BY A CONTESTANT

While I'm not the biggest fan of The Bachelor, I'll admit that the premiere allures me every time. These women will go to any length to stand out, because really there's no such thing as bad attention, amiright? Here are the creepiest moments of this year's premiere.

1. When this chick brought a heart in a cooler.

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Because she sells human tissue for a living, it's totally normal for her to bring a heart along to a first date, right? Don't worry though, it's a fake heart so it's not weird at all.

2. When this one showed up seriously underdressed.

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She wanted to show Chris who she really is. I guess she really is someone who doesn't understand the meaning of "cocktail attire."

3. When underdressed girl gave herself a mini-makeover in the bathroom, ran back outside and into the limo, and re-introduced herself to Prince Farming in a totally different outfit.

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Prince Farming, meet Cinderella.

4. When this girl brought a teddy bear to the party.

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She was anticipating a nightmare of an evening.

5. When Prince Farming's "secret admirer" made him close his eyes while she introduced herself.

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Romantic shromantic. She probably just had some food in her teeth.

6. When this girl put a lucky penny in Prince Farming's shoe.

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My, what big feet you have!

7. When this one disregarded midwestern manners with her crude farmer joke.

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"You can plow the fuck out of my field any day."

...Someone needs to get some fertilizer in this girl's mouth.

8. When this girl vetoed the other half of her dress.

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But seriously....please tell me they only charged you half price at the store.

9. When this cutie pie forgot she was at a grown up party.

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I remember my first Karaoke.

10. When crude girl put her words to action.

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It's not a bar mitzvah, woman.

11. When Chris said he wishes he was a polygamist.

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...Oh.

12. When this drunk girl compared meeting people to cutting onions.

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"Every person you meet is like an onion. You cut them, but when you cut them you peel them back and what you do is you peel them back layer by layer….That to me is an onion. Take a freaking look at the onion…If that’s a pomegranate then god bless it. It is a pomegranate!"

...I'll have what she's having.

13. When this drunk girl got weird during the rose ceremony.

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What's a party without breaking into a cold sweat and rubbing your body down in a room full of strangers, amiright?!

14. When Prince Farming gave the cold sweat Cinderella drunk girl a rose anyway.

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They mean it when they say this show is all about second chances...Except not for the sober girls who didn't get roses.

15. When drunk onion girl got a rose.

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Moral of the story: Getting black out wasted and embarrassing yourself on national television WILL land you a dreamy husband.