15 Horror Stories That'll Make You Never Want To Be A Camp Counselor
"Literally had to insert a girl’s tampon for her."
1. The poop painter:
I worked at a summer camp in Colorado this summer where one of the kids smeared his shit on the walls of the bathroom not once but twice. The best part was that he didn’t think anyone knew it was him, so he kept saying things like, “I hope you catch the kid who did that.”
2. The condom balloon:
One day, we were doing a beach walk and one of my younger campers picked up a used condom. After he picked it up, he showed it to me and the lifeguard and said, “Look! I found a balloon!” and put it up to his mouth to blow it up.
3. The biter:
One of my campers was giving me a hug when he suddenly decided to bite down really hard on my neck. It hurt like hell. He then proceeded to whisper softly in my ear, "I felt your tendons crunch." What the fuck?
4. The bloody mess:
When my camper had a nosebleed, I told him to hold a tissue to his nose while I grabbed some more out of my first-aid kit. This kid moved the tissue and SNEEZED BLOOD all over me and INSIDE my mouth. Definitely a camp day I’ll never forget.
5. The tampon eater:
A few summers back, I was working at a camp and during the last few weeks, when I thought I had seen everything, I look over to see a kid chewing on a tampon applicator. To this day, I’m hoping and praying that it was unused.
6. The hand-holding duo:
At camp one day, two girls were holding my hands and a boy came and asked to hold my hand. I told him no and that he would have to wait his turn, and he freaked out a little but eventually calmed down and waited. When he and I were finally holding hands he whispered in my ear, “If you ever let go of my hand again, I will rip off your face and feed it to the foxes.” Safe to say, I did not let go.
7. The dreamer:
My campers found a bunch of acorns on the ground and one girl told the group how they were wishing on acorns. One of the other counselors called all of the kids over, but one boy stood there, squeezed his eyes shut, and wrapped his hands around an acorn. Under his breath he said, “I wish I had a bigger penis” and then ran to follow the rest of the group.
8. The boob-grabber:
One time I was helping the boys change for the pool and was already in my bathing suit. Being bustier, I was approached by one of the little boys, who came up to me and grabbed both of my girls and asked, “So, do you have to wear those all the time?” I laughed and said, “Yes I do” and all he said back was, “Wow.”
9. The zero-chill camper:
I woke up at 5 a.m. to a tiny voice saying, “There’s something wrong with my face.” I open my eyes to see a face swollen roughly three times its normal size. The camper ended up getting taken to the hospital. Later, we found out that another girl HATED this camper and decided it was time for her to leave camp so she threw the girl’s pillow into a patch of poison ivy and then placed it back on her bed.
10. The too-close-for-comfort pair:
Literally had to insert a girl’s tampon for her. We both learned a lot that day.
11. The child prodigy:
One of my campers said his knee hurt and asked if he could sit in the air-conditioned infirmary, and I told him no. Five minutes later he asked me again, this time with blood streaming out of his mouth and a tooth in his hand. “Now can I go to the infirmary?” He literally yanked a barely loose tooth out to go sit in the AC for 30 minutes.
12. The snacker:
I once had a camper who ate borax off the ground surrounding the snack shack to keep mice away. I made her promise me to never eat stuff off the ground again. Ten minutes later she’s trying to put dirt and rocks in her water to drink and the next day she asked another counselor to help her swallow a soda tab.
13. The playful kid:
My brother was working at a day camp with boys and one day when they were at yoga one of the boys began to play with himself mid-yoga. The counselors had to take the kid to the side and explain to him that isn’t something you do in public.
14. The pissed camper:
I had a camper who looked a lot like my cousin Maya. From the moment this girl walked in on the first day, I called her Maya for almost two months but always quickly corrected myself and often gave her an Oreo out of guilt. On the very last day of camp, she walked up to me with her parents and screamed, “MY NAME’S NOT MAYA, BITCH!”
15. And the shitty situation:
I went kayaking with my camper and he shit his pants. I had to get out, swim the shitty kayak back to the beach, and wash it out. The kid also said he had no clean undies so he had to go commando while I washed all of his clothes. That’s when I decided to switch my undergrad major from primary ed to secondary.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.