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1. An extension pack of the popular "What Do Your Meme?" card game made especially for you and your basic AF squad.
2. A tank top rumored to save you from having to wear pink on a Wednesday and STILL being allowed to get in the car and go shopping with the plastics.
3. A swan pool float that'll once and for all prove you're the basic bitch of the pool, no ifs, ands, or buts — the swan float IS the holy grail of basic pool floats. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
4. An enamel pin for summing up what it's like to be you in a nutshell, or rather, a Pumpkin Spice Latte cup.
5. An eyeshadow palette LITERALLY named after you to have your eyelids express the shades of your soul. Congratulations on this accomplishment.
6. A yoga mat that'll, like, totally make everyone aware that you're a yogi, like you live, breathe, and eat it, betches.
7. A pair of yoga leggings for helping you stock up on your collection of pants — yes, yoga leggings are pants, and they're the only pants you can be found wearing, thank you very much.
8. An avocado cookbook so you can whip up 40 delicious basic AF recipes — do NOT tell me avocados aren't basic, as the mayor of Basic Town, I hereby declare avocados our national fruit.
9. An Ugg care kit to help you maintain your fave shoes in your closet. Don't pretend they aren't, and don't be ashamed, they're really fucking comfy.
10. A greeting card that'll make your basic BFF slightly defensive at first, but then they'll get a good laugh out of it because being basic is acceptable and encouraged.
11. A V-neck tee for when you literally can no longer even BELIEVE. l mean seriously, what the heck, I really cannot.
12. A set of three cookie sheets and four emoji cookie cutters so you can take living, breathing, and EATING basic-ness to a whole new literal level.
13. A book to read when you're feeling rly sad about Vine — RIP, insert moment of silence here.
14. A bagel and cream cheese making kit that'll allow you the opportunity to whip up your own favorite form of breakfast food (sometimes lunch food, could be acceptable as dinner food).
15. A rosé bottle pool float for sprawling out on during a hot summer day, when all you want is a chilled glass of the not-quite-red-wine stuff.
16. A 50-pack of disposable Starbucks beverage cups to rock when you're making your next iced coffee, iced tea, or even just an iced water. It's the equivalent of spending $2 on a drink if you buy these, which is already less than you'd be spending at Starbs. 😉
17. A selfie lens kit featuring FIVE phone lenses that'll upgrade your selfie game to the extreme — look out Instagram, VSCO, and Tinder, here you freaking come.
18. A 72-pack of pumpkin spice K-cups for when it's winter, spring, and summer, and you're going through such major withdrawal symptoms and literally can't even.
19. An emoji ring to keep the emoji-loving close to your fingertips at all times, even when you're not texting them to your group chat.
20. A rose gold balloon banner that'll make a great addition to your next birthday celebration. You get older each year, and your basic side should only grow with you.
21. A T-shirt for making sure everyone knows your definitive stance on the leggings as pants debate, so you can settle this shit once and for all.
22. An 11-piece mermaid makeup brush set to apply your cosmetics with tools that really speak to your interests.
23. An emoji wireless speaker that'll blast all your favorite songs from your phone, and if you have your ringer on, it can even alert you while listening to said songs about text messages that hopefully have emojis in them, amirite?!
24. A coloring book literally made for satisfying your basic heart's crafty self — take it from me, I am BOTH basic AND the leader of the Harry Styles fan club.
25. A T-shirt dress coverup to outline some of your favorite things about the summer, basic things of course.
26. A pack of unicorn string lights that'll combine two extremely wonderful things us basics love — string lights and unicorns, does it get better than this?
27. A sparkling rosé making kit for churning out your very own summer water with a twist. If you wanna send me some after, feel free.
28. A tee to let others in on your life happenings. But honestly, honey, no one is surprised.
29. A door mat that'll be sure to keep your living space a basic zone only, anyone who is even the slightest bit non-basic is not welcome.
30. A giant donut float for adding in your pool float collection if you don't yet own it, and if you don't have it yet, then why not? Donuts and this float in particular are essentials for people like us.
31. A tube of unicorn snot sunscreen to lather on thicc this summer so you can continue channeling your basic side even when you're just putting on SUNBLOCK.
32. A bitch towel, sorry, I mean a BETCH TOWEL, sorry, I mean a IT'S BRITNEY, BEACH TOWEL that'll instantly make you the most popular person on the sand in a 10 mile radius.
33. A book by "Instagram's favorite illustrator" filled with hilarious drawings, especially relatable if you identify as a basic betch.
34. A High School Musical vinyl to bring out your younger, basic-self and bop, bop, bop to the top notes Troy and Gabriella can sing.
35. A crewneck sweatshirt that'll simply describe you in one word when all else fails because yes you're basic, but yes, you're also proud.
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and/or clarity.