If you drive a car through the kitchen, people will probably, definitely notice.
Your fiance won’t care if you cheat on her (or him) with your high school ex… as long as it’s just a kiss.
Goldfish do not need to take baths.
If you’re the middle child, no one will pay attention to you...
…until you get hit in the nose before class picture day (Marcia Brady style) by your own family member.
…and if you accidentally cut your hair-crazy Uncle’s hair.
There is no such thing as Smedrick’s Disease.
On your birthday, it’s all about you.
It's never a good idea to perform a dangerous motorcycle stunt.
It’s also not a good idea to go sky diving before your wedding.
If you walk out of your kindergarten class on the first day, no one will go looking for you.
If you think someone stole your bike, don’t steal someone else’s.
If you don’t eat for three days straight, you might feel faint at the gym.
Preteens will just never be satisfied.
When ordering something instead of buying it in a store, be aware that it may not actually be what you’re looking for.
Bring a number 2 pencil to the SATs!
Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.
If you want to be cool, befriend the girls who smoke in the bathroom.
Oakland.. Auckland… Same thing.
It’s okay to feel uncomfortable at a party where everyone is making out with each other on the floor.
Woodchucks are really effing annoying.
Don’t let a friend pierce your ears.
If you still love your ex, you will see him (or her) everywhere.
Mrs. Doubtfire is the only person who could actually pull off cross dressing.
You can’t dig to China.
If you don’t get into college, don’t go to Vegas to marry your dumb boyfriend.
Don’t date someone for money. Date someone for love.
All good things must come to an end.
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