Here Is Every Single Entry Into "Eurovision" 2021 Ranked From "Are Euro Joking Me?" To "Euro The Best"
XOXO, your official
Eurovision correspondents. by ,
If gay Christmas is Halloween, then
Eurovision must be gay Halloween, right!? Either way, WE ARE EXCITED! The semi-finals for the world-renowned singing contest just ended last night, and we now have 26 competitors ready for the grand final tomorrow!
Since we both stan
Eurovision, we thought we'd give every single track in this year's finale a listen, and share with you our honest feedback.
Sam Cleal/Jeff Thurm
So, without further ado, here are the finalists ranked according to our own personal opinions and our combined scores...
Norway – "Fallen Angel" by TIX.
Sam: This should stay where it belongs… on a trailer for 13 Reasons Why. 2.5/10 Jeff: Okay costumes!!!! (Was kinda waiting for him to be lifted into the sky though). 2/10
Russia – "Russian Woman" by Manizha.
Sam: I guess I can see some people vibing with this, but it’s not for me. 2/10 Jeff: PLEASE TELL ME SHE'S ON A HOVERBOARD. I was kind of hoping there would be more Russian Doll reveals underneath that, but I guess this isn’t actually Drag race. 3/10
Belgium – "The Wrong Place" by Hooverphonic.
Sam: I think of this song as Lana Del Rey meets Keane. Make of that what you will. 4/10 Jeff: Girl, I know all about waking up and wanting to forget about last night. #relatable 2/10
Albania – "Karma" by Anxhela Peristeri.
Sam: This is one of those dramatic, Conchita-style Eurovision ballads that I don’t really care about. Which means it will probably win. 2/10 Jeff: You can’t have a dance break and then not dance. 4/10
The Netherlands – "Birth Of A New Age" by Jeangu Macrooy.
Sam: I couldn’t stop thinking about Elbow during this song. It’s a great message and it’s pleasant enough, but it doesn’t really go anywhere. 5/10 Jeff: I feel really bad saying this, but I kind of wanted this song to go further? It started strong, but I needed it to kick up a notch. Anyone else? 3/10
Italy – "Zitti E Buoni" by Måneskin.
Sam: I love the rock vocals and the heavy guitars. This song will either end up in the background of a scene in a teen drama, or on a car ad – either way, I’ll be bopping along. 7/10 Jeff: I mean, it's no Soldi! I'm not the biggest fan of rock in general, so maybe not best for me to judge. 2/10
Portugal – "Love Is On My Side" by The Black Mamba.
Sam: There’s something intensely familiar about this song – it kind of sounds like if Macy Gray and early Adele fused their sound to sing “Handbags and Gladrags”. Not bad at all... But a winner? I’m not so sure. 7.5/10 Jeff: This sounds like a song you'd play at the end of the night to get people out of the bar. 2/10
Bulgaria – "Growing Up Is Getting Old" by VICTORIA.
Sam: Not bad but any means, but certainly not a floor-filler. I think I read she loves Billie Eilish, which you TOTALLY get from the song. It’s cute! 5.5/10 Jeff: A great Billie Eilish inspired tune, but a tad boring for Eurovision. 4/10
Spain – "Voy A Quedarme" by Blas Cantó.
Sam: A really nice track with a kind of ‘90s Disney movie credits song vibe. I wish I knew what he was singing about because he sounds so heartfelt! 5/10 Jeff: BRB, imagining this being the first dance song at out wedding because he’s so fittttttt! 5/10
Lithuania – "Discoteque" by The Roop.
Sam: Someone call the Pet Shop Boys, cos these guys stole their sound! Can’t lie though, this has something to it! 7/10 Jeff: This song has everything you’d expect for me to love, but I kinda find the chorus annoying. Misses the mark ever so slightly for me (sorry!) 4/10
Germany – "I Don't Feel Hate" by Jendrik.
Sam: This has a chaotic Jedward energy to it but I don’t hate it! There’s a mix of jaunty talk-singing with era-blending instruments. You will probably get this stuck in your head. 6.5/10 Jeff: COLOUR, A GLITTER UKULELE, DANCING FINGERS. Tell me you’re a Eurovision Entry without telling me you're a Eurovision entry. 5/10
Malta – "Je Me Casse" by Destiny.
Sam: Huge Lizzo vibes to the track – it’s decent, but maybe a little forgettable. 5/10 Jeff: THIS. IS. WHAT. I'M. TALKING. ABOUT. The dance break and the little hand movements – I can already see the moves at G-A-Y. 7/10
UK – "Embers" by James Newman.
Sam: I gotta say, I like it. It’s probably one of the better entries we’ve had in recent years. It has major summer vibes and is hella catchy – can’t wait to hear it on Love Island this year! Should’ve been the United Kingdolls though. 6.5/10 Jeff: This song screams UK Top 40, but doesn’t give me Eurovision. Not a bad entry, but not a winner by any means. 6/10
Sweden – "Voices" by Tusse.
Sam: Sweden has some pretty lofty Eurovision alumni – think ABBA, Loreen! I think this could be their year again. This song is super anthemic and catchy. Not my thing personally, but I’d still put my money on these guys winning. 6/10 Jeff: Now THIS has what I was looking for in the Netherlands song. 7/10
France – "Voilà" by Barbara Pravi.
Sam: Nicely dramatic with some feisty vocals. I could totally see a Marion Cotillard character being stalked down a crowded street by her jealous husband to this song. Unfortunately, nothing will ever surpass "Moustache" by Twin Twin for me. 6.5/10 Jeff: Her voice is just stunning. I have no idea what she’s singing about, but I can feel all of her emotion. 7/10
Moldova – "SUGAR" by Natalia Gordienko.
Sam: The Hilary Duff stan in me can’t get enough of this one. I'm wondering if she’ll be able to hold that note at the end on the night… 7/10 Jeff: I’m absolutely into it, but I hope she brings more oomph to the final. 7/10
San Marino – "Adrenalina" by Senhit.
Sam: I’m for this JLo-esque floor-filler with a catchy beat. Bizarrely enough, Flo Rida will also appear to rap on the song – what a twist! 6/10 Jeff: I don’t understand how Flo Rida is allowed to be on this? And why others don’t do the same? The song gets a 9/10, but I’m deducting a point because this feels like cheating. 8/10
Ukraine – "Shum" by Go_A.
Sam: I was all over this at the start – it was set to be my favourite but I didn’t like the whistle-y chorus. Still, if you like “dark synth” as much as me, you’ll probably enjoy this. 8.5/10 Jeff: I just wish she had as much energy as her dancers. 6/10
Iceland – "10 Years" by Daði og Gagnamagnið.
Sam: Iceland knew what they were doing bringing these guys back. This song is okay, but it’s no “Think About Things”. They should’ve brought back Hatari instead. 6.5/10 Jeff: I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. 8/10
Serbia – "Loco Loco" by Hurricane.
Sam: Okay Serbia, I see we’re not holding back this year! I did not mind this dance-y anthem at all. I couldn’t sing it back to you now, but I would definitely throw some shapes if it came on. 6/10 Jeff: And the gays go wild! The hair dancing, the lip filler, the sex appeal. Yes, Yes, Yes, Serbia! 8.5/10
Cyprus – "El Diablo" by Elena Tsagrinou.
Sam: This kinda feels like if a slightly off her game Gaga made a song for Eurovision. And that’s not strictly shade, because everything Lady Gaga makes is amazing! 6/10 Jeff: Yesss back bend! El Diablo works hard, but Cyprus works harder. Fire Song! 9/10
Greece – "Last Dance" by Stefania.
Sam: I kind of love this – it’s a little like a more generic Dua album track, but I’m 100% here for it. 7.5/10 Jeff: Dua Lipa is definitely annoyed this isn’t her song. Just wish the singer could dance a bit better tbh. 8/10
Switzerland – "Tout l'Univers" by Gjon's Tears.
Sam: This is a very beautiful song, I can’t deny it. It reminds me of "Silent Storm" by Carl Espen from a few years back. It’s slow, but it caters to my penchant for Sigur Rós. 8.5/10 Jeff: I’m not usually into ballad entries at Eurovision, but if you’re going to sing one, this is how you do it. 8/10
Azerbaijan – "Mata Hari" by Efendi.
Sam: It’s about time somebody wrote a tribute to Mata Hari. You have no idea how much I've been singing “Mata Harrriiiii” this week. A certified banger. 9/10 Jeff: The dance breaks, the fire – just, yes! This song has been stuck in my head for days now. 8/10
Finland – "Dark Side" by Blind Channel.
Sam: I’m sorry, but this is my lowkey favourite of the competition. It’s total emo-pop fodder, à la Linkin Park and Bring Me The Horizon and I bloody love it! 9/10 Jeff: I came into this night judging this song and hating it, and yet I was BLOWN away. Like, for an angry emo rock song, I love it??? Also them holding a card to a camera that said "Play Ya Ya Ding Dong" was iconic. 8.5/10
Israel – "Set Me Free" by Eden Alene.
Sam: This is what I’m talking about! This track is a bop and and this girl can saaaang. 9/10 Jeff: I already know this will be on my Top Spotify songs of the year. HIGHEST NOTE IN EUROVISION HISTORY AND SHE DOES IT WITH EASE! 9/10
Eurovision Song Contest will be broadcast live in the UK on BBC One from 8pm and will be available in the US on Peacock.
KOERS VON CREMER/NPO/NOS/AVROTROS
Do you agree with our ranking? Let us know in the comments!
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