1. You believe that any problem can be solved with a run.
Bad day? Fuck it, I'm going running. Case of the sads? Fuck it, I'm going running. Super behind on a deadline? Fuck it, I'm going running. Stuck in a well? Fuck it, I'm going running.
2. You're known to plan your runs around your bodily functions.
Which you can now schedule to the minute.
3. Your sneakers might be hideous AF, but whatever, they feel like actual clouds.
Category is: functional AF.
4. But, OK, you do have some standards.
NOPE.
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5. Same deal with your clothes. Good for running > acceptable to be seen wearing in public.
Which is how tiny shorts happen.
6. Speaking of clothes, you've actually never smelled worse in your life.
Because literally no odor is more foul than moisture-wicking clothing that's been sweat in.
7. Your post-run meal is 50% of the reason you get out of bed each morning.
OK, 90%.
8. Slash what gets you through the entire thing.
All Day I Dream About Carbs.
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9. After a super-long run, there's a part of you that considers spending the whole rest of the day eating.
10. Rest days are an opportunity to wish you were running and openly glare at every runner who crosses your path.
More like resentment days.
11. You pretend to hate the treadmill but secretly are pretty OK with it.
"Crushing boredom and tedium are actually fine if it means I get to run."
"Crushing boredom and tedium are actually fine if it means I get to run."
"Crushing boredom and tedium are actually fine if it means I get to run."
12. You secretly get psyched AF for new energy gel flavors.
"Yeah no totally those gels are a gross runner thing I do I hate them LOL."
*frosts birthday cake with chocolate energy gel*
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13. No matter how injured you are, you don't think you need a day off.
Just stretch really well after.
14. You look forward to bad weather so you can say you ran through it.
"Technically it was a tropical storm but yeah I did five miles."
15. You've done a total 180 on how cool fanny packs are.
If it's wrong to be able to conveniently run with your keys, phone, and gels, then I don't wanna be right.
16. Ditto attaching stuff to a belt.
17. At the first sign that your favorite running shoe might be discontinued you buy as many pairs as you can find.
No shame in being prepared.
18. And no matter what you look like running, you feel like an actual majestic fucking human.
So keep wearing the hell out of those tiny neon shorts!
