Typically, I defend Coco as a queen that many people underestimate. Unlike quite a few of the queens this season, sister gurl can actually lip-synch. Her looks on the runway are polished, fun, and tell a story. And she’s the only thing standing between us and Alyssa Edward’s weird facial expressions. However, Coco’s turn as Janet was flatter than Raja’s bustline. What’s worse: Coco plays Janet Jackson for a living! As she reminds us every chance she gets, Coco is a Janet impersonator and, presumably, turns it out as Miss Rhythm Nation six nights a week in Las Vegas. She certainly had the look down — and the plastic surgery — but the Snatch Game is as much about the look as it is the humor. Janet doesn’t strike me as being especially funny, and Coco did nothing to change that opinion.
Oh, the Jade of it all. She didn’t mess up as Taylor Swift, but she didn’t impress anyone either. Aside from pretending to be bashful, Jade didn’t take advantage of the ample opportunities Taylor gives the world to mock her. She didn’t make any jokes about boyfriends or Kanye or constantly winning awards. Actually, aside from her lackluster introduction, she didn’t make any jokes at all. Unlike Taylor, who at least can sing, all Jade has going for her so far is her looks.
Until last night, I only vaguely knew that Tamar Braxton existed. Thanks to Roxxxy’s performance, though, not only do I know about Tamar, I want to go to brunch with her. Roxxxy succeeded because she never let an opportunity go to waste. She didn’t have to depend on any prompting from Ru to own her moments on camera. And she gets bonus points for self-tanning to the point of racial ambiguity!
Aside from the fact that Jinkz is just awesome, last night’s episode is THE reason she was cast this season — and she didn’t disappoint. Her turn as Little Edie was glorious on its own, and even more so because she was surrounded by performances that ranged from dull (Jade) to traumatizing (Ivy). Like Roxxxy, Jinkx not only seized her moments on camera, she insisted that the camera and Ru give her attention. And honey, when she turned her gaze and magnifying glass on Ivy, I almost fell out. Monsoon season is upon us!
And this, children, is what immunity looks like.
Lady Bunny has been everywhere we’ve turned this season. Ivy played her in last week’s ballet challenge, and now Alaska. It was a risky choice. Ru and Lady Bunny are legendary friends, and Bunny is absolutely hilarious. Fortunately, so is Alaska. Her stellar performance of a risky choice made Alaska my second place for last night’s competition.
Ivy has proven to be talented, savvy, and delightful. Her decision to be Marilyn, however, was baffling. (The only thing worse was Lineysha’s original idea to be Michelle Obama.) Has Smash taught us nothing?! Marilyn is basically untouchable. Finding a unique angle — especially a unique comedic angle — on the bombshell at this point is practically impossible. So obviously Ivy was setting herself up for a disaster. But, good lord, she didn’t even get Ru’s joke about JFK. The mind reels! Fortunately, Jinkx was ready and willing to go in for the kill.
Lineysha is one beautiful queen. A beautiful, incredibly dumb queen. And no, the language barrier has nothing to do with this one. Playing Celia Cruz was certainly a better call than Michelle Obama, but — as Lineysha admitted — she didn’t have the right wig or costume. She could’ve recovered from that with a great performance, but her sense of humor was hilariously nonexistent.
Detox’s Ke$ha seemed like it was going to be as dull as Coco’s Janet…until she decided to pee on the set — at which point Detox succeeded at being both dull and disgusting at the same time. The silver lining is that Detox’s Snatch Game failure and jellyfish couture on the runway set her up to give the best lip sync we’ve seen this season.
- And no, people aren't drilling headphone jacks into their new iPhone 7's 📱❌