LGBT

This Year’s 12 Hottest Super Bowl Players (According To A Gay Dude And A Straight Dude)

The sacking jokes just write themselves.

2. Opening Thoughts:

Saeed: If I’m going to watch the Super Bowl without a Beyonce half-time performance, I’m gonna need some motivation. Let the search for inspiration begin!

Logan: Picking out hot men has apparently become one of my strengths here at BuzzFeed. I am very proud of this gift. Let’s get started.

Methodology: Each of us went through the rosters and made our choices separately, then we compared notes.

3. Wesley Woodyard

Ezra Shaw / Getty Images

Who picked him? Both

Ray Chavez/Bay Area News Group / MCT

Elsa / Getty Images

 

Logan: You can tell from Wesley’s facial hair that he’s a man that knows how to take care of himself. And that Omega Psi Phi branding on his left arm tells me he’s tough. Both top qualities in my personal (and correct) opinion.

Saeed: I didn’t even notice Wesley had facial hair. I was way too distracted by the thought of being wrapped in his manly, Omega Psi Phi approved embrace. He just looks like he’d keep me safe and warm and pregnant.

5. Eric Decker

Brian Branch Price / MCT

Who picked him? Both

Matthew Emmons/Usa Today Sports

John Leyba / Getty

 

Logan: Perfectly trimmed beard, intense eyes, strong jawline. Yeah, I’d say Eric Decker is a handsome fuckin’ man.

Saeed: I couldn’t agree more. Deck needs his own GQ cover asaptually. He’s a quarterback right? He just has that quarterback look. Those eyes say “Sack me, Saeed.”

7. Golden Tate

Tony Overman/The Olympian / MCT

Who picked him? Both

Joe Camporeale/Usa Today Sports

Carlo Allegri / Reuters

 

Logan: Tate seems like one of those guys that gets more attractive the more you get to know him. I mean, he’s not bad looking, but he’s not my favorite.

Saeed: Logan, you’re an idiot. And apparently blind. First of all, dude’s name is Golden. That instantly earns him some points. And then there’s his 1000-watt smile. For some reason, the word “surfbordt” comes to mind when I look at his pictures. Can’t quite figure out why…

9. Richard Sherman

Tony Overman/The Olympian / MCT

Who picked him? Both

Steven Bisig/Usa Today Sports

Steven Bisig/Usa Today Sports

 

Logan: Sherman is cool as shit and I like his dreads. And that is all I have to say about that.

Saeed: He’s smart, talented, passionate, takes great care of his hair and fine. My family would love him. In fact, my family is already asking when we’re planning to adopt. (My family moves fast.)

11. Joel Dreessen

Garrett Ellwood / Getty

Who picked him? Saeed

Rob Carr / Getty

Dustin Bradford / Getty

 

Saeed: All three of these pictures have me thinking unf-related thoughts. The tattoos, the runny face paint, the way he fills out his uniform. Unf unf unf.

Logan: I can’t get over his stupid goatee. Shave that off and then we’ll see. Until then, no.

13. Percy Harvin

AP Photo/Elaine Thompson

Who picked him? Logan

Steven Bisig/Usa Today Sports

AP Photo/Elaine Thompson

 

Logan: Just look at that smile. He also has a good head. I’m not totally sure what that means, but I know it’s true.

Saeed: I mean, he’s not ugly at all but he’s just not doing anything for me. I see your “blowjob joke” trap, Logan, and I’m going to walk right around it.

15. Bobby Wagner

Who picked him? Logan

Tom Szczerbowski / Getty

Jamie McCarthy / Getty

 

Logan: Straight up, Bobby Wagner is the best looking dude here. In all honesty, he’s just a well-put-together man and I really like his style. Plus that turtle shell backpack is dope.

Saeed: Gay down, you are just wrong. Like, stunningly, hilariously wrong.

17. Doug Baldwin

Elsa / Getty

Who picked him? Saeed

Christian Petersen / Getty

Wesley Hitt / Getty

 

Saeed: Doug Baldwin is one of the hottest dudes on this list. He’s got a big ego and the body to back it up. I’m fully prepared to let him prosper in this life.

Logan: Which one is the REAL Doug Baldwin? That’s what I want to know. Is it the bug-eyed dude in the first photo or the smooth and confident guy in the left photo? Regardless, he has some nice muscles, I guess.

19. Champ Bailey

Jeff Zelevansky / Getty

Who picked him? Logan

Elsa / Getty

Justin Edmonds / Getty

 

Logan: There is no doubt in my mind that Champ Bailey is a suave motherfucker. I guarantee he always wears expensive cologne and knows so many cooking recipes.

Saeed: He looks like someone’s dad which is hot for some people, I guess. But my therapist and I have agree that DILFs are not right for me.

21. Robert Turbin

Christian Petersen / Getty

Who picked him? Logan

Otto Greule Jr / Getty

Otto Greule Jr / Getty

 

Logan: The fact that I will NEVER look like this is really disappointing.

Saeed: Whew, God. Turbin is a whole lot of man. Maybe too much man. I’m interested and terrified at the same time.

23. Mike Adams

Elsa / Getty

Who picked him? Saeed

Jeff Zelevansky / Getty

Jeff Zelevansky / Getty

 

Saeed: There’s just something about Mike Adams that I just find very…winsome. His bald head looks like winning. His facial hair, his pretty teeth.

Logan: I agree that his bald head “looks like winning.” Not sure on the teeth, but the facial hair is excellent.

25. Zach Miller

Elsa / Getty

Who picked him? Saeed

Otto Greule Jr / Getty

Tom Szczerbowski / Getty

 

Saeed: Sexiest caveman I’ve ever seen in my life.

Logan: No. Just no. I am so disappointed in you, Saeed.

27. Closing Thoughts:

Logan: I stand by my picks and my opinion on Bobby. You need to step your standards up, man.

Saeed: What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of my raging hormones.

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

Saeed Jones is executive editor, culture for BuzzFeed and the author of the poetry collection Prelude to Bruise, and is based in New York.
Contact Saeed Jones at saeed.jones@buzzfeed.com.
Senior Editor
Contact Logan Rhoades at logan.rhoades@buzzfeed.com.
 
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