1. Ancient Rome
First World Problem: The Stains!
Red wine, white tunic, and 2,000 years between you and a Clorox bleach pen.
Third World Problem: The Lions!
The Romans may have overrun my homeland, killed my family, enslaved me, and dragged me to a foreign country to kill other slaves for entertainment, but at least the gladiator arena represents a kind of skill-based meritocr-- wait, what's in the cage?
2. The Aztec Empire
First World Problem: Head Accessories
This ornamental pheasant headpiece does NOT match my turquoise necklace. I HATE YOU MOM
Third World Problem: Head Retention
Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made for the good of the Fifth Age. Lookin' at you, Mixtecs.
3. Isabella and Ferdinand's Spain
First World Problem: Jews and Muslims Pretending to be Christians
Look, just let me watch you eat this ham and we're cool.
Third World Problem: Soldiers and Fugitives Pretending to be Explorers
Hey Columbus, welcome to our contiNEVERMIND NEVERMIND NEVERMIND
4. Victorian England
First World Problem: Royal Society Blows its Annual Budget Printing "On the Origin of the Species"
Damn, Charles Darwin, how many copies do you need?
Third World Problem: Victorian England
Damn, Victorian England, how many countries do you need?