Skip To Content
  • Viral badge

John Mulaney Talked About The Text Conversation He Had With His Drug Dealer After Getting Sober On "SNL," And I'm Actually LOLing

“It’s called ‘breaking up with your drug dealer.’”

Comedian and former Saturday Night Live writer John Mulaney began his path of sobriety from alcohol, cocaine, and prescription drugs at age 23, but — after relapsing in 2020 — John entered a rehabilitation center.

Well, last night, he returned to the SNL stage, where he managed to talk about pretty heavy topics in the funniest possible way — his intervention and sobriety.

"Since I last hosted, different things have happened. In December, I went to dinner at a friend's apartment. But it was not dinner. It was an intervention for me — my least favorite kind of intervention. When I walked into my intervention, I knew right away that it was an intervention."

“Do you know how big of a drug problem you have to have if you open a door and see people gathered, and your first thought is, ‘This is probably an intervention about my drug problem?’”

John then said he went away to a rehab center during the same time as the January 6 Insurrection. He joked, "It wouldn't have happened on my watch."

Next, John told the hilarious story of him sitting down with a counselor, who told him to delete and block his drug dealer. “It’s called ‘breaking up with your drug dealer.’ I texted my main dealer, Arvin — I shouldn’t have said his name, but that’s OK, you don’t know him.”

"I said, 'Hey, I'm deleting and blocking you. I'm sober now, I'm never gonna buy drugs again,'" John said. "But I'm really polite, so I didn't know how to end the text, so I said, 'But thank you, for all the nights that became days and your inspired professionalism.'"

"Before I can delete and block him, he texts me back and goes, 'Hey, I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy that you got sober. You know, I only bought drugs to sell to you, because I was worried about you, and I didn't want you to get worse stuff off the streets.'"

John then made a face like, “AW!” and said, “I know, and I’m breaking up with this guy?! So, I text him back, and go, ‘You sweet man. You only bought drugs to sell to me? Did you sell drugs to other people?’”

"He said, 'No, I'm a painter. We talked about this.' Ladies and gentleman, I have no idea how I know this person. So I texted him, 'How did it come to be — that you sold me drugs?'" Arvin wrote back that he didn't know either, but John just kept asking.

“There are many tales of drug dealers turning innocent people into drug addicts, but I might be the first drug addict to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer,” he added.

And people loved how he talked about such a heavy — but important — topic with comedy. “Only John Mulaney could talk about drugs so politely,” one person wrote in the YouTube comments under the monologue.

"John's two-month rehab story is proof that comedy is tragedy plus time," another wrote.

Congratulations on your sobriety and an incredible comeback episode! You can watch his brilliant monologue here:

View this video on YouTube

NBC / Via

If you or someone you know is living with addiction, you can access resources on SAMHSA's website or their free, confidential helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357).