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    17 Hilarious Tweets From This Week

    "Wait, what's it called when the baby debuts?"



    My mom has my 9 month old son doing dishes


    Every other morning I take a hike with my dog to the dog park, and on the way back he gets so tired that I gotta carry him back 😂


    teens call it "ig" young millennials say "insta" and old millennials say "gram." what do i do with this research i have been collecting it for months and i am very proud of it


    you wake up. you’re still a lizard sunning on a red rock. it was all a dream. the concept of selling “feet pics” to pay back “student loans” is already losing its meaning as you open and lick your own eyeballs to moisten them. time to eat a bug.


    I feel like every girl needs a “fella drawer” if you plan on having frequent guests.



    My postman has left his sack on my doorstep. What does this mean? Am I the postman now?


    i started to cry he’s just so small and the pillow is@so large... and he’s so inspired ...


    what’s the weirdest date you’ve been on??? I’ll go first we were going to see a movie and didn’t buy tickets in advance and couldn’t get two tickets next to each other so we ended up sitting on opposite sides of the theater and then the movie ended and we were like cool ok bye


    Honored to be a part of something so huge


    Vader: did you ever wonder what happened to your father Luke: nah Vader: Luke: why care about a deadbeat lol Vader [holding back tears]: w-well suppose for a second that you did wonder


    “are you a morning person or a night person?” me:


    My mom: where is all your money going???? Me:


    Fuck Did I leave the easy bake oven on


    the real estate agent selling a warehouse to jigsaw


    “i was born in the wrong generation” bro we have iPhones and uber eats. weed is legal. like what’s ur deal

    See previous weeks' #Tweets here.

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