Buzz·Posted on Feb 23, 201917 Tweets From This Week That Are Too Funny For Words"'Your Love Is My Drug' by Ke$ha will defeat big pharma."by Ryan SchocketBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. evelyn @evelynnleee this customer walked in 10 SECONDS before we CLOSED and she had the audacity to yell “yay i made it” bitch you made what? made me mad? 07:04 AM - 19 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. a$hley da Gr8 @ASHHurance_ I FaceTimed my baby brother (3 y/o) and he was speaking with a British accent. I was like wth is going on 💀 My daddy was like this damn Peppa Pig got this boy acting a fool 😂😂 04:25 AM - 21 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Tricky @Tricky_2018 For the past 20 years, I've had a Valentines card from a secret admirer. I was sad I didn't get one this year! First my gran dies, now this! 08:26 AM - 14 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Gil® @ortizx408 Cop: can I get your proof of insurance High ass friend: 01:31 AM - 19 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. angry wet spider @birdbutterer Please sign my petition to rename giving birth “going number 3” 06:34 PM - 19 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Zack Stentz @MuseZack Reminder that the Los Angeles federal courthouse has a statue of Abraham Lincoln where he's a shirtless young stud suggestively tugging at his waistband like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model: 05:49 PM - 20 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. tay @taylvr *tweets about wanting a boyfriend 85 times in one day* boy: hey would you maybe wanna get dinner someti- me: hey buddy? just chill the fuck out okay. knock it off 06:53 PM - 19 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Alex @trapppo when you wake up and realized you’ve drooled all over the pillow 04:50 AM - 19 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. RedScharlach @redfacts TRUE FACT OF THE DAY: When falcon breeders want to breed falcons, they wear special falcon sex hats. The hat encourages the falcon to shag the breeder's head and collects the falcon sperm, which can then be artificially inseminated. I'll say that again: FALCON SEX HATS. 04:10 PM - 19 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Siddhu @cheekyponnama My mum has a photo of me in her wallet and not of my siblings. She said whenever she faces an obstacle, she looks at my photo and the problem disappears. I felt really touched till she said, she also tells herself, “what other problem can be bigger than this one?” 😥😥😥 11:10 AM - 17 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. juliet @julietmoore_ i think i’ve found the greatest YouTube comment ever written 04:01 PM - 17 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman I can’t tell if this is candy or if I’m being invited to an Eyes Wide Shut-style orgy. 07:26 PM - 18 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. fatness everdeen @olemacdon I just find it funny how the minute the bedroom door close’s my bf is like” baby💕😍 let’s get the cuddles 🥰🥳 GOING!!! Chugga Chugga CHOO CHOO cuddle train 😍😍💕✨🙉 coming round 😘😘next stop cutie PIE village population YOU😍” but his insta captions r like “me and bitch” 03:27 AM - 22 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. 🍒 @hoegenic all my brain cells coming together to spell ‘restaurant’ 10:38 PM - 22 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. digging my grave @BhadDhad letter S when letter A accidentally confuses letter T with the adding symbol 08:32 PM - 21 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Jill Gutowitz @jillboard me: instagram search bar: your ex crush who won’t respond to u other ex painful ex trauma ghosted you ex best friend despair kendalljenner 09:19 PM - 20 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Xol⚡️ @CoolDotCom Your love is my drug by ke$ha will defeat big pharma 05:28 AM - 18 Feb 2019 Reply Retweet Favorite