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    Updated on Feb 27, 2019. Posted on Feb 23, 2019

    17 Tweets From This Week That Are Too Funny For Words

    "'Your Love Is My Drug' by Ke$ha will defeat big pharma."

    1.

    this customer walked in 10 SECONDS before we CLOSED and she had the audacity to yell “yay i made it” bitch you made what? made me mad?

    2.

    I FaceTimed my baby brother (3 y/o) and he was speaking with a British accent. I was like wth is going on 💀 My daddy was like this damn Peppa Pig got this boy acting a fool 😂😂

    3.

    For the past 20 years, I've had a Valentines card from a secret admirer. I was sad I didn't get one this year! First my gran dies, now this!

    4.

    Cop: can I get your proof of insurance High ass friend:

    5.

    Please sign my petition to rename giving birth “going number 3”

    6.

    Reminder that the Los Angeles federal courthouse has a statue of Abraham Lincoln where he's a shirtless young stud suggestively tugging at his waistband like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model:

    7.

    *tweets about wanting a boyfriend 85 times in one day* boy: hey would you maybe wanna get dinner someti- me: hey buddy? just chill the fuck out okay. knock it off

    8.

    when you wake up and realized you’ve drooled all over the pillow

    9.

    TRUE FACT OF THE DAY: When falcon breeders want to breed falcons, they wear special falcon sex hats. The hat encourages the falcon to shag the breeder's head and collects the falcon sperm, which can then be artificially inseminated. I'll say that again: FALCON SEX HATS.

    10.

    My mum has a photo of me in her wallet and not of my siblings. She said whenever she faces an obstacle, she looks at my photo and the problem disappears. I felt really touched till she said, she also tells herself, “what other problem can be bigger than this one?” 😥😥😥

    11.

    i think i’ve found the greatest YouTube comment ever written

    12.

    I can’t tell if this is candy or if I’m being invited to an Eyes Wide Shut-style orgy.

    13.

    I just find it funny how the minute the bedroom door close’s my bf is like” baby💕😍 let’s get the cuddles 🥰🥳 GOING!!! Chugga Chugga CHOO CHOO cuddle train 😍😍💕✨🙉 coming round 😘😘next stop cutie PIE village population YOU😍” but his insta captions r like “me and bitch”

    14.

    all my brain cells coming together to spell ‘restaurant’

    15.

    letter S when letter A accidentally confuses letter T with the adding symbol

    16.

    me: instagram search bar: your ex crush who won’t respond to u other ex painful ex trauma ghosted you ex best friend despair kendalljenner

    17.

    Your love is my drug by ke$ha will defeat big pharma

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