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17 Pee-Your-Pants Funny Tweets From This Week

"When I die boomerang them lowering me pls."

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Me: can I have a turn in the hedge now Hedgehog: no

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when I die bomerang them lowering me pls

4.

when you finally meet that special someone

5.

"yo they lookin for u outside, i bit a kid."

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Me setting my alarms for 5am at 1am. https://t.co/R7jbXuQe81

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Jake Gyllenhaal looks so goddamn much like Disneyland Woody

9.

what if we made out at the macyโ€™s 4th of july sale

10.

my dog: *has unlimited food, water, shelter & love *front door opens* my dog: https://t.co/jMfscBySMe

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When you accidentally open the front camera of your phone...

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Can I borrow your handbook to share with some of my current staff? ๐Ÿ˜œ https://t.co/dEe0vPHGQz

16.

My Uber driver didnโ€™t greet me when I got in, and he put absolutely zero effort whatsoever into getting to know me or trying to make any sort of conversation with me throughout the entire 7 minute trip. 5 stars

17.

July 4th is the met gala for Old Navy families

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