22 Pee-Your-Pants Funny Tweets About Sex

    "Pee after sex or you will get an HGTV."


    [during sex] Me: hurt me Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows Me: wait Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure


    "Okay now let's do a silly one!" - me after sex


    pee after sex or you will get a tgi friday’s



    me during sex: hurt me them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex me: wait- them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it


    british people be having sex like: mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving


    i’m tryna have sex so rough that the earthquake is shook


    How parents go from “Sex is bad” to “I want grandkids”?


    Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave


    Ya sex is fun but have you ever been happy for a week straight? Naw me either who tryna fuck


    Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing


    This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. wtf?


    yeah sure love is love but I’m pretty sure douching ur ass for 2 hours to bottom for a top who you have to double text in order to get a one word response isn’t love, sweetie.


    jake gyllenhaal is so weird i feel like the actual reason he and taylor broke up is because he barked during sex


    My favorite sex position is when someone makes a playlist for me


    This Father's Day, make sure you hook up with an older man who has the same name as your actual father.


    when vegans have sex they ask to be artichoked. i will not be reading any replies to this tweet.


    Yeah sex is great but have you ever had gay sex


    i was having sex once and the girl said “cum for me” and i thought she said “comfort me” so i stopped n i hugged her


    Girls be tryna have sex for hours... first of all sweetheart, I have asthma


    sex is intimate and sacred. your body is a temple and you shouldn't share it with anyone who hates rick & morty


    [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]