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17 Tweets From This Week That Are So Funny You'll Piddle

"I hate girls who say they child 24 months old, bitch he 4 smh."

1.

Nobody: Absolutely no one: Not a single soul on this Earth: Not even their mom: iNfLuEnCeR: “A lot of you have asked about my skin care routine...”

2.

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I hate girls who say they child 24 months old, bitch he 4 smh

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My boyfriend really just sneezed sitting 5 feet away and texted me this 🙄

7.

I have officially outdone myself. I was literally so drunk last night I wound up on a farm 3 miles from campus and I tried riding a horse.

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just said hi to a guy on campus without any makeup on and he goes “omg I didn’t even realise it was you! scared the shit out of me!!”

10.

the Coachella employees backstage trying to “fix” Nicki’s mic and in-ear

11.

person: hi, how are you? capricorn, scorpio, aquarius, virgo:

12.

me: “a nose piercing would be kinda cute” my mum:

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My mom coming back into my room and finding me sleeping 5 mins after she woke me up

15.

a whale would never say something just to be hurtful

16.

me at 3 am looking at the bag of hot cheetos i left in my room

17.

aIiens returning me to earth after 2 straight hours of me venting about my probIems