Food

The Definitive Ranking Of Cakes

And it's not even my birthday.

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16. Angel Food Cake

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The first time you have angel food cake:

"Ooooh, ANGEL food cake, it must be a heavenly delight!"

*Puts cake in mouth*

"Why am I eating a dish sponge???"

14. Cheesecake

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Next time you eat cheesecake, remember you're essentially eating a solid BLOCK of cream cheese. Not worth it. Overrated. THERE, I SAID IT.

13. Ice Cream Cake

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Ice cream cake is a lie and it's fooled us all for way too long. Here are my qualms: It's impossible to cut, the cake-to-ice cream ratio is way off, the cake that is there is frozen and frosty, and the icing is always that weird whipped stuff.

11. Yellow Cake

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Yellow cake is like the friend you make a big deal about seeing when you run into them, even though you never talk, and you're all like, "Oh my god, let's get lunch!!" and you both know you never will.

9. Pound Cake

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Here's my case for pound cake: It's substantial enough that you can eat it like toast for breakfast and get away with it. You can eat it with fresh fruit and feel good about it. YOU CAN MAKE DESSERT PANINIS WITH IT. That's all. Cake by the pound.

5. German Chocolate Cake

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The black swan to coconut cake's white swan. In my food dreams (aka all my dreams), I see a little winged coconut cake on one shoulder and a German chocolate cake on the other, telling me to do bad things. You can see which ranks higher.

3. Chocolate Cake

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This picture is driving your salivary glands wild. There's no stopping it. You want this cake so hard right now. Back away from the screen, please.

1. Carrot Cake

pastichefinedesserts.com

The undeniable winner. This cake has everything. Cream cheese frosting, spice cake, walnuts, VEGETABLES THAT THINK THEY'RE DESSERT. This cake deserves its place atop any cake stand. It's 24-CARROT gold. So in the wise words of the all-knowing Mindy Kaling:

leave a slice of carrot cake at my door if you love me

Mindy Kaling@mindykalingFollow

leave a slice of carrot cake at my door if you love me

12:15 AM - 22 Sep 14ReplyRetweetFavorite