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I Ate At Jiro Ramen, One Of Tokyo's Most Infamous Ramen Shops, And Survived

WARNING: This post contains really gross photos of my face covered in ramen juice.

Oh, if you want to hear any of the disgusting sounds from this magical ramen experience, definitely check out this episode of Internet Explorer!

This is the line for one of Tokyo's infamous Jiro Ramen locations. People starting queuing for lunch around 10:30 a.m.

Jiro Ramen isn't so much a restaurant as much as it is a religion in Tokyo. There are over 30 locations, and eating in there is a big deal.

The blog Ramen Tokyo describes Jiro as "cult-like." It's especially popular with young men. The vibe while you're waiting in line is kind of like the specific mix of awkward masculinity and shame you experience when you're in a strip club.

The average wait time to get in is around 45 minutes. And then it can get pretty intense. This is a sign warning that a brawl recently broke out when people started cutting in line.

Oh, another thing — I heard Jiro's portions are huge. I ordered a large because I'm an American and also an idiot. This is me watching them make my bowl.

For reference, these are halves of a small.

And here comes my large.

"Help me..."

It was so large that I wasn't even sure where to start.

But nevertheless, I started slurping my way through the beast.

"I have made a terrible mistake..."

Also, I should point out, I am awful at using chopsticks.

Fun weird thing I learned: The ramen makes your sinuses run like crazy! And there are NO napkins at Jiro. So halfway through, I looked like an insane person.

As I championed through the massive bowl of meat and noodles, I noticed that the noodles were getting bigger because they were absorbing the broth! This thing just wouldn't die.

Ultimately, this is as far as I got with it. I ate about two-thirds of it and gave up because I wanted to die.

As far as taste goes, Jiro's ramen is really great! But it's also super oily and salty and fills you up so quickly. It's kind of like a big, greasy slice of pizza, but in a bowl of broth.

Final verdict: Jiro Ramen is totally intense and when I was done I felt like I needed a nap and to poop for a hundred years.