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I Ate My Way Through The Japanese Menus For McDonald's, Burger King, And KFC

Pray for my colon.

McDonald's

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First up, we have McDonald's, which I assumed would be way weirder. Aside from some seasonal items and a few weird twists on classic stuff, though, it's more or less the same. Here's what you can get in Japan you can't get anywhere else.

The Mega Muffin

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: This is on the breakfast menu β€” it's two hamburger/sausage-type things with bacon and eggs and cheese. The whole thing is covered in ketchup. I want to eat it every day for the rest of my life.

Emoji rating: πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€ out of five.

Teriyaki McBurger

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: Oh! This is just a McDonald's hamburger covered in teriyaki sauce. Alright then.

Emoji rating: πŸ–πŸ–πŸ– out of five.

Vegetable Chicken Burger

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: It's a veggie burger and not exactly a great one. But the radioactive-looking orange sauce is actually amazing.

Emoji rating: πŸ”₯πŸ”₯ out of five.

Gracoro Burger

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: Imagine, like, a big mozzarella stick covered in a tangy mayonnaise-type sauce and covered in shredded lettuce. Now imagine, like, the most delicious version of that β€” this thing was AWESOME.

Emoji rating: πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’• out of five.

Burger King

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

Burger King, more than any other American fast-food joint, seems to be the chain that has gone completely off the rails in Japan. It has a ton of weird stuff, most of it totally delicious. Also, you can smoke inside if you're looking to light one up after eating your breakfast hot dog.

Spam & Cheese Burger

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: OK, did not have high hopes for this, but holy cow. It is so weird and good β€” don't ask me why or how, but I totally recommend it!

Emoji rating: πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰ out of five.

BK Hot Dog Classic

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: I thought this would be some kind of breakfast-themed hot dog, but it's just a hot dog. It's pretty good nonetheless!

Emoji rating: 😐😐😐 out of five.

Pizza and Tuna Corn Pies

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: Did not know what these were until I looked them up later. The pizza one tastes like a hot pocket and the tuna corn one tastes like clam chowder.

Emoji rating: πŸ•πŸŒ½ out of five.

Avocado Fish

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: This shouldn't be any good, but it's pretty great. And the avocado is not totally gross!

Emoji rating: 🐟🐟🐟 out of five.

Quattro Cheeseburger

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: Bruuuuhhhhh, this bad boy is a cheeseburger with a big hash brown inside. This shouldn't be a special thing β€” all cheeseburgers should just have a hash brown in them!

Emoji rating: πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ out of five.

KFC

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

KFC inhabits a really weird place in Japanese society. It's where you go for Christmas, and Colonel Sanders is a really well-known figure. It's more or less the same, but there are a few things you can get in Japan that you can't get elsewhere.

Chicken Fillet Sandwich

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: I had to try the chicken, and oh man, is it better than the U.S. Did not feel nearly as gross after eating this as I would have in the States.

Emoji rating: πŸ—πŸ—πŸ— out of five.

Grilled Rice Ball

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: I thought this was going to be more, like, I don't know, interesting? But it's just a rice ball covered in soy sauce.

Emoji rating: πŸ™ out of five.

Shrimp Stick Thing?

Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed
Ryan Broderick / BuzzFeed

First impressions: I'm not sure what it's called because it's new and Google Translate says it's called "shrimp angrily fly," but it was good!

Emoji rating: 🍀🍀🍀 out of five.

In conclusion: Go to McDonald's for breakfast, Burger King for the Quattro Burger, and stick with the chicken at KFC.

Oh, and these menus change a lot, so if you spot anything awesome put it in the comments below!