1. “What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.”
2. “A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.”
3. “What is the karate expert’s favorite beverage? Kara-tea.”
4. “What does a wicked chicken lay? Deviled eggs.”
5. “Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.”
6. “What do you call an inflatable crazy person? A balloonatic.”
7. “Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.”
8. Two radio antennae got married. The wedding was OK… but the reception was great.”
9. “I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.”
10. “Where does a general keep his army? In his sleevy.”
11. “What’s brown and sticky? A stick!”
12. “What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!”
13. “Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad? His mummy.”
- In case you missed it: Trump and Clinton roasted each other at a charity dinner and it was awkward AF 😬
- It's not just you. A massive attack has brought down major sites like Twitter and Spotify for some users in the US.
- A Mexican judge has approved the extradition of drug cartel leader Joaquín "El Chapo" Guzmán to the United States.
- This guy casually sat in a flooding Starbucks during intense storms in Hong Kong and became the internet's newest hero.