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8 Things To Avoid While Watching The Game

As we get ready for this NFL season, let's take a deep breath and consider the following before heading to the bar.

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8. Being A Fan Doesn't Make You A Coach

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Unless you're Bill Belichick and I've been drinking for so long I've forgotten I'm Tom Brady, you're not getting paid 7.5 million dollars a year to tell me the calls, despite how loudly you call them. While I appreciate your enthusiasm, leave your proverbial challenge flag at home.

7. Waste Not Want Not (Beer That Is)

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Why is it that I can't seem to watch a single touchdown without a beer tsunami raining down on me? If I would've known I was going to be a participant in probably the most unfortunate wet t-shirt contest of all time I wouldn't have worn this overpriced jersey.

6. Is This A Nursery?!

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Is Cam Newton your son?! Did you just stub your toe? Then why are you crying like the world just ended because the Panthers didn't manage to pull off the win? You have nachos and wing sauce all over your face and you're crying, compose yourself.

5. Let's Leave The Women Out Of This

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Now before everyone freaks out, who I mean are the women also watching the game at the bar. Their similar taste in football teams is not an invitation for you to drunkenly grope or drool over them. Should be simple enough, keep your hands off and let's all watch the game.

4. Holding: Your Booze

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We've all been in this bar for 3+ hours drinking and watching the same game. You shouldn't need your friends to drag you to the Uber. The game won't be memorable if you can't remember it.

3. Respecting Regional Alliances

"Dude why ah you a Steelahs fan? they friggin suck!" - Every Patriots fan. Maybe they grew up in Pittsburgh you goon. Being a Pats fan I learned two things: 1. We are the best and 2. We are the worst.

2. Your Fantasy Team Is Not A Strategic Accomplishment

Don't compare yourself to General Patton just because you switched your Flex position last minute and came out on top. Should I sing your praises? You've selected your picks based on projections and gut instinct, you got lucky. Congrats you football wizard.

1. Did The Bar Hire You To Hi-Five Everyone?

You're slapping every hand you see as if it'll be the last time you'll ever see one. Barreling through this bar in a daze of celebration targeting hi-fives that aren't even designated for you. Calm down, I need this hand and now I have to ice it with my beer.

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