4 Philosopical Statements By Cab Drivers

Actual things I’ve been told by the lovely men driving around NYC. (And they’re probably not philosophical.)

1. “Ma’am, too many shoes makes a desperate woman.”


Too many shoes make a desperate woman?! We women only need to by shoes when:

1. We’re happy
2. We’re sad
3. We’re mad at you
4. We’re upset at you
5. We want you to be mad at us in the near future
6. We found them on sale
7. The shoes were as well priced if we bought them on sale
8. We need the same shoe, but new color
9. When the shoes we’re wearing at that time start hurting
10. When they’re just too pretty to not buy

I don’t understand how that says “desperation”! Maybe psychotic, MAYBE.

Also, why are my beaten up Converse being brought to attention by Cab Driver 4N72? Now I need to buy new shoes.

2. “Marrying someone with different food likes is no good.”


“Food likes” means “different cultures”.

Listen, I get it. HIs wife was from Argentina, and he grew up in Bangladesh. When you say “I do” to your hot Argentine wife, the last thing on your mind is, “YAY Morcilla foreva!!!!”.

But then you learn that Morcilla is a blood sausage dish, and your eternity with this awful woman is looking bleak.

3. “Ma’am, the light must go off.”


WHOA. Truth.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there must be times you give up on something. Turn off the light.

I should probably turn off the light on my dreams to learn the guitar. I pretty much suck and it should just go to the wayside for me to learn new things.

OHHHHHH. Turn off the light. Because I have it on in the taxi so I can do my makeup. OHHHH. NOT SO PHILOSOPHICAL ANYMORE ARE WE CABBIE 5K02?!

4. “You pay with cash!!!!”


So I accidentally hit “cash” instead of “credit” on the taxi pay screen.

YOU CANNOT TURN BACK. Once you push one of these buttons it is over and done with.

If you do not have cash, you get YELLED AT. If you argue with him, you get YELLED AT. If you say, “I only have a card, I’m sorry.”, you get YELLED AT.

Nothing works. So then he mumbles something under his breath and drives away all angry.

FREE CAB RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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