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    23 Places Where You Definitely Should Not Set Off Fireworks

    The Fourth of July is upon us, which for many people means that it's once again time for amateur fireworks displays. But please take a minute to consider some friendly advice about where NOT to show everyone how much you love America.

    1. Right Outside The White House

    The Secret Service would not be amused.

    2. On A Hot Air Balloon

    Pro tip: You can launch fireworks into the air from the ground. You do not have to be up in the air to begin with.

    3. Under A Thatched Roof

    4. At A Golf Tournament

    Fireworks are supposed to be fun, whereas golf is not.

    5. At The Movies

    6. Near Your Cat

    Cats have enough to worry about as it is.

    7. Anywhere Near A Cloned T-Rex

    8. At Your Local Public Library

    9. The Sistine Chapel

    They'd like to keep all those fingers, thankyouverymuch.

    10. Inside A Pumpkin

    View this video on YouTube


    You'll piss off the old guy.

    11. Within Accidental Burning Distance Of The Constitution

    We know you're fired up about the Constitution. But you will be in deep bald eagle shit if you set it on fire.

    12. Next To The World's Largest House Of Cards

    13. At A Funeral

    Don't be that guy.

    14. In Your Hand

    15. On Top Of An iPhone

    16. Near A Wooden iPhone Holder Shaped Like A Hand

    17. In States Where All Consumer Fireworks Are Illegal, Like Massachusetts...

    18. New Jersey...

    19. And Delaware

    Now you know something about Delaware!

    20. In A Redwood Forest

    21. At A Performance Of John Cage's 4'33"

    View this video on YouTube

    22. Inside A Fireworks Factory

    Exploding fireworks factories are not even remotely cool in real life.

    23. North Korea

    Kim Jong Un would not share your enthusiasm.


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