23 Places Where You Definitely Should Not Set Off Fireworks
The Fourth of July is upon us, which for many people means that it's once again time for amateur fireworks displays. But please take a minute to consider some friendly advice about where NOT to show everyone how much you love America.
1. Right Outside The White House
2. On A Hot Air Balloon
3. Under A Thatched Roof
4. At A Golf Tournament
5. At The Movies
6. Near Your Cat
7. Anywhere Near A Cloned T-Rex
8. At Your Local Public Library
9. The Sistine Chapel
10. Inside A Pumpkin
11. Within Accidental Burning Distance Of The Constitution
12. Next To The World's Largest House Of Cards
13. At A Funeral
14. In Your Hand
15. On Top Of An iPhone
16. Near A Wooden iPhone Holder Shaped Like A Hand
17. In States Where All Consumer Fireworks Are Illegal, Like Massachusetts...
18. New Jersey...
19. And Delaware
20. In A Redwood Forest
21. At A Performance Of John Cage's 4'33"
22. Inside A Fireworks Factory
23. North Korea
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY, EVERYONE!