How's your Dry January going? Mine's not going too well, thanks for asking.
But honestly, I'm considering giving it a second try after stumbling upon Martha Stewart's bizarrely brilliant campaign for everyone's least favorite month-long activity.
Last week, Martha partnered with Tito's vodka to kick off a campaign for "DIY January," which confused me deeply until I just watched the darn video.
On Instagram, people were quick to call out the fact that it was basically worthy of Super Bowl commercial status.
Like, it's so good that it even convinced non-Tito's drinkers to pick up a bottle, which kind of feels like the opposite intent of the campaign, but a marketing win nonetheless.
And I'm fully in agreement with the folks that demanded a raise for the entire Tito's team. (Honestly, send Martha's team a nice bonus while they're at it, too.)
In the campaign, Martha introduces "DIY January" as a way to use up the Tito's you have lying around (since you're not drinking this month, remember?). Bold to assume that I'd ever have an unfinished bottle of vodka in my home, but I'll bite!
She then shares a whole slew of surprising non-drinking purposes for vodka, which, after doing some Googling, definitely all check out. You can deodorize stinky boots!
Instead of using your usual household cleaner, you can spray it on anything that needs cleaning to "cut through dirt and grime."
Apparently, you can even add a splash to your fresh-cut flowers to keep them in bloom for longer!
(Reminder that Martha is Queen of Flowers, so I obviously believe her.)
But beyond the vodka-related tips and hacks, it's her performance that proves she might also be the Queen of Partnerships, too.
Like, pouring what cannot POSSIBLY be any less than two CUPS of vodka into her tomato sauce while staring into the camera with vacant eyes.
And spraying the "cleaning vodka" INTO HER MOUTH.
...and loving it, obviously.
And then, casually using a full handle of the stuff to tenderize a slab of beef.
Naturally, the video ends with her sitting in front of an ice cold martini, with a twist, exclaiming, "Oh, fuck it, Martha needs a drink."
Anyway, Martha, I hope Tito's paid you enough to buy at least six more peacocks and a flock of fluff chickens. Because as the Queen of Partnerships, you deserve it all.
Anyway, you can watch the entire video for yourself on YouTube or Tito's site. Refrain from sipping on anything while you watch it — you will do a spit take. I would know.