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    Aug 1, 2015

    87 Thoughts I Had While Binge-Watching "Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp"

    We binge-watched it so you don't have to. But you really should.

    Episode One: "Campers Arrive"


    1. Repeat after me: I will not get angry at characters for existing just because they weren't in the film.

    2. Not angry at Jason Schwartzman. NEVER angry at Jason Schwartzman.

    3. Showalter is just as excited as I am that this is happening!!!

    4. Seriously, everyone is having so much fun. It's delightful to witness.

    5. Is that Fitz…Fritz? From Scandal?

    6. Add to vocab: "Let me kiss the eyeballs."

    7. It's like Bradley Cooper has spent the past 15 years studying this character.

    8. Are these kids supposed to be the cast when they were younger?

    9. Add to vocab: "Piece of schnitt."

    10. A burp fight?! I approve!

    11. Ohhhh the entire season is going to be one day!

    12. Hence the fucking name. Idiot.

    13. This ginger kid is amazing. (That is the only time in my life I'll ever say that.)

    14. H. Jon Benjamin has my absolute favorite voice in the whole damn world.

    15. The things I would do to Jason Schwartzman. The. Things.

    16. Slime! I know that's supposed to be bad, but that's slime!

    Episode Two: "Lunch"


    17. JORDAN PEELE! JORDAN PEELE! Thank you for existing.

    18. THE FUCK?! Elizabeth Banks is a SPY?!

    19. Uh…David Wain looks really good in that wig. Almost too good.

    20. Those leotards are freaking awesome.

    21. An owl sound AND a cabin? Please tell me this is a Twin Peaks reference.

    22. To this day, my dad wears the exact watch The Beekeeper is wearing.

    23. CHRIS MELONI! About damn time!

    24. Hello, Schwartzman bulge!

    25. I hope Drew is like 20 IRL. He is too good.

    26. Watching H. Jon Benjamin on screen is like watching a reverse cartoon. It's trippy AF.

    Episode Three: "Activities"


    27. That can that H. John Benjamin has. That's Meloni's can.

    28. The Beekeeper needs to STFU

    29. Weren't Paul Rudd's shorts shorter in the movie?

    30. Add to vocab: "I've seen better leaps in a year!"

    31. We need more Michael Ian Black.

    32. Add to vocab: "Burnt Brayed".

    33. Ew diaphragm. Ew.

    Episode Four: "Auditions"


    34. Add to vocab: "Fuck dick shit butt."

    35. TERRY SILVER!!!!! That's a woman who needs more screen time.

    36. Even Bradley Cooper being disgusted by women is hot.

    37. Dear God, Claude Dumet is every director I've ever had.

    38. I'm always caught off-guard when I see Jon Hamm with two hands.

    39. RANDALLLLLL PAAARRRKKKK! Get in my squad!

    40. Add to vocab: "Eat my dick, Capitan Fuck Pants."

    41. SLAY that unitard Michael Ian Black!

    42. I see your Spanx, Bradley.

    43. Ugh. Mask work. It'd be funny if I hadn't paid thousands of dollars to actually do that.

    Episode Five: "Dinner"


    44. Wait! Molly Shannon was in the movie! I just remembered!

    45. #Bless the casting directors, these kids are amazing actors.

    46. Oh, Michael Cera dressed like an old man. That's new.

    47. Gah, that pubey little mustache.

    48. I am shipping Bradley and Michael Ian Black so hard.

    49. I've never used the word "ship" before.

    50. Is it just a double crush?

    51. I think I've decided that I don't like the backstories. Kinda ruins some of the movie's magic obscurity.

    52. The cabin again! Seriously, there better be a red room.

    53. Chris Pine looks like Captain Hook dressed in Prince Eric's clothes.

    Episode Six: "Electro/City"


    54. Okay. The only reason the rich kid camp exists is to give Kristen Wiig a vehicle.

    55. I feel like "Electro/City" is trying to be "Pinot Noir" from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and it's not.

    56. Dad! It's the dad from…everything!

    57. I am so glad someone addressed Cera's mustache.

    58. $10 says everybody in their late 20s goes as the Zoot Suit for Halloween.

    59. That. Fucking. Kiss.

    60. Why do I love Randall Park's voice so much?

    61. Aww I've missed watching Paul Rudd and Marguerite Moreau make out!

    Episode Seven: "Staff Party"


    62. Seriously. End the fucking Beekeeper.

    63. KEN MARINO — never wear a shirt again please.

    64. Jeff and J.J. are the sweetest. They deserve more praise.

    65. Paul Rudd: the only guy-playing-guitar-at-party I wouldn't stab.

    66. I'm turned on by a threesome with David Wain and Michael Showalter. What is happening to me?

    67. Ok. Never mind. Turned right off.

    68. **Watches dick punch on loop.**

    69. So I don't think that guy is Fitz…is he the buddy in Scandal? IS there a buddy in Scandal?

    70. It's annoying that Kristen Wiig is the only female at Camp Tiger Claw who speaks. We get it. You wanted her in the show.

    Episode Eight: "Day is Done"


    71. Showalter's Reagan voice is spot-on. I think. I wasn't alive.

    72. I want to shake the hand of the kiss choreographer of this show.

    73. In a battle of Jon Hamm and Chris Meloni, I'd have to go with Meloni.

    74. Ok, the rich kid camp mob is getting a little too Anchorman-y.

    75. If Chris Pine doesn't get struck by lightening, I quit.

    76. DJ Ski Mask may be my new favorite character.

    77. I feel like this show is missing Thomas Lennon.

    78. Maybe I'd like Chris Pine's role if Lennon played him.

    79. Uh. It's the second day of camp now? That's not in the title.

    80. Why so few episodes?

    81. Good. Guy. Jeff!

    82. Awwww, this is where the can leaves her… that's love.

    83. Wait — WTF happened to my sweet ending? Why are we going an entire week forward just to see a not-dead Chris Pine hitchhike with fat-suited Paul Giamatti?

    84. Seriously? That's the last note you leave on?

    85. WHY. Why did they end it so well, only to peg on three more minutes of entirely unnecessary bullshit?

    86. I already resent any possible second season for using our last minutes as an ellipsis for its story line.

    87. Gonna go watch the movie until my soul calms down.


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