Marmite. Salty manna from Heaven. And so, so easy to get wrong.
1. When people spread it an inch thick on toast, and your throat gets all clagged up with yeasty treacle.
If you’re unfamiliar with the rites of Marmite, halve the amount on your knife. Then halve it again. Then spread it (on top of plenty of butter). There you go. Perfect.
2. When people spread it too thinly.
Marmite is a tricky beast to get right, and if someone’s Marmiteing for you it’s hard to nitpick without seeming, well, nitpicky. On the other hand - I don’t mean to cast aspersions here - but it it seems to be a rule of thumb that those who spread Marmite too thinly are inevitably also purveyors of cold toast.
11. And then there’s the fact that you’ll never visit Denmark because Marmite is banned there.
You need Marmite every day. Marmite is the blood. Marmite is the life.
13. You sort of wish people would stop messing around with the formula. This, for instance, gets a big no.
Just because they’re both brown doesn’t mean they belong together. By that logic, poo should get involved at some point.
17. Yeast-flavoured crisps should never have been a thing.
Marmite and crisps sandwiches, yes. Marmite-flavoured crisps, no. Like I said, a tricky beast to get right.