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19 Important Struggles Only Marmite Lovers Will Understand


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Marmite. Salty manna from Heaven. And so, so easy to get wrong.

1. When people spread it an inch thick on toast, and your throat gets all clagged up with yeasty treacle.

Flickr: kentfredric / Creative Commons

If you're unfamiliar with the rites of Marmite, halve the amount on your knife. Then halve it again. Then spread it (on top of plenty of butter). There you go. Perfect.

2. When people spread it too thinly.

Flickr: jamescridland / Creative Commons

Marmite is a tricky beast to get right, and if someone's Marmiteing for you it's hard to nitpick without seeming, well, nitpicky. On the other hand - I don't mean to cast aspersions here - but it it seems to be a rule of thumb that those who spread Marmite too thinly are inevitably also purveyors of cold toast.

3. When you're at a hotel breakfast buffet and there are 20 different types of jam, but no Marmite.

Flickr: osde-info / Creative Commons

This little guy can make such a massive difference to the quality of your morning.

5. Or someone tries to palm you off with Vegemite because "it's the same thing".

Flickr: azadam / Creative Commons

Vegemite is not the same thing. It's saltier, it has a harsh edge, and it quite clearly comes in yellow packaging.

7. Worse than this, though, is when you're almost out of Marmite.

Flickr: whatleydude / Creative Commons

And you have to stand there for three hours with a knife, surgically scraping microscopic smears of brown paste out of the jar.

8. Or when you absentmindly* mistake Marmite for Nutella.

Flickr: jaycross / Creative Commons

And your world turns upside-down for 30 seconds while your tastebuds figure out what's happened.


13. You sort of wish people would stop messing around with the formula. This, for instance, gets a big no.

Just because they're both brown doesn't mean they belong together. By that logic, poo should get involved at some point.

15. These... these are actually okay.

17. Yeast-flavoured crisps should never have been a thing.

Marmite and crisps sandwiches, yes. Marmite-flavoured crisps, no. Like I said, a tricky beast to get right.

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