22 Words That Mean Something Totally Different If You Work Weekends

NO, I CANNOT MEET YOU FOR BRUNCH FFS.

1. "Midweek"

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Usually means: Tuesday to Thursday (roughly).

Now means: Your new weekends. This is useful because you get to do admin, see the dentist, and all that other stuff that normally interrupts your work schedule. On the other hand, YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DENTIST AT THE WEEKEND.

2. "Lie-in"

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Usually means: Sleeping late, usually at the weekend.

Now means: Something you try to do on your days off, but don't achieve thanks to car horns, delivery men, shrieking school children and other midweek paraphernalia.

3. "TGIF"

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Usually means: Thank god it's Friday!

Now means: This greeting is futile. :(

4. "Brunch"

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Usually means: Leisurely (and sometimes hungover) mid-morning meals enjoyed with friends at weekends.

Now means: A word that drives a hot spike through your brain whenever you hear it.

5. "Sunday lunch"

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Usually means: A plate piled high with home-cooked (or at least pub-cooked) roast meat, Yorkshire puddings, golden potatoes and lashings of gravy.

Now means: A concept that legitimately makes you weep as you work through lunch on half a Twix.

6. "Friends"

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Usually means: People you care about and enjoy socialising with.

Now means: Those idiots who keep inviting you for Sunday lunch before remembering you work weekends and retracting their invitation.

7. "Visitors"

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Usually means: People who visit your home.

Now means: People who only ever seem to appear when you're in the middle of something, and just stand on your doorstep, yammering about nothing.

8. "Commute"

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Usually means: A daily journey to and from work, normally during rush hour.

Now means: A blithe jaunt on an empty train (or the three steps between your bed and desk).

9. "Gym"

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Usually means: A semi-public facility where you can work out.

Now means: A practically empty torture chamber you only visit veeeeery early in the morning or veeeeery late at night. Or, ha ha, never.

10. "Social media"

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Usually means: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.

Now means: A neverending cavalcade of FOMO.

11. "Pedestrians"

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Usually means: People walking on the pavement.

Now means: Meandering fools who blithely stop to chat and look in shop windows while you're still in commuter-mode and JUST NEED TO GET WHERE YOU ARE GOING.

12. "Tech support"

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Usually means: A service department on hand to help with your IT woes.

Now means: An out-of-office email reply, and a phone that's never picked up.

13. "Boss"

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Usually means: The person who tells you what to do.

Now means: The person who is currently at the beach with their kids, has left you vague instructions for the weekend, and won't be contactable until Monday.

14. "Pets"

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Usually means: Domesticated animals who live in your home.

Now means: Little furry people who don't understand why you don't love them on Saturdays and Sundays, and decide to address this issue by sitting on your computer or eating your shoes.

15. "Shower"

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Usually means: A heated sprinkler.

Now means: Cursory hygiene you undertake quickly (if you work at work), and possibly not at all if you work from home.

16. "Office"

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Usually means: A building that houses employees during work hours.

Now means: The loneliest place in all the land.

17. "Party"

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Usually means: A social gathering.

Now means: A social gathering you arrive at still in work mode, and it takes you three drinks to even start to decompress.

18. "Nap"

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Usually means: A short period of sleep you take during the day.

Now means: Something you are constantly fantasising about.

19. "Australians"

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Usually means: Antipodean denizens.

Now means: The only people awake and online when you're working, ergo your new best friends.

20. "Partner"

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Usually means: Your romantic life colleague.

Now means: That joker who wakes you up by yelling "TIME TO GO TO WORK!" in the morning before rolling over and falling back asleep for the rest of the day.

21. "Break"

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Usually means: Time off.

Now means: A weekend off work that goes totally wasted on you, because you're conditioned to wake up early and have no idea what normal people do on weekends.

22. "Monday"

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Usually means: The beginning of the week, universally loathed by nine-to-fivers.

Now means: Your Friday, about which you will endlessly remind weekday workers with a smug smile on your face. TGIM!