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22 Words That Mean Something Totally Different If You Work Weekends

NO, I CANNOT MEET YOU FOR BRUNCH FFS.

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1. "Midweek"

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Usually means: Tuesday to Thursday (roughly).

Now means: Your new weekends. This is useful because you get to do admin, see the dentist, and all that other stuff that normally interrupts your work schedule. On the other hand, YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE DENTIST AT THE WEEKEND.

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5. "Sunday lunch"

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Usually means: A plate piled high with home-cooked (or at least pub-cooked) roast meat, Yorkshire puddings, golden potatoes and lashings of gravy.

Now means: A concept that legitimately makes you weep as you work through lunch on half a Twix.

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11. "Pedestrians"

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Usually means: People walking on the pavement.

Now means: Meandering fools who blithely stop to chat and look in shop windows while you're still in commuter-mode and JUST NEED TO GET WHERE YOU ARE GOING.

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13. "Boss"

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Usually means: The person who tells you what to do.

Now means: The person who is currently at the beach with their kids, has left you vague instructions for the weekend, and won't be contactable until Monday.

14. "Pets"

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Usually means: Domesticated animals who live in your home.

Now means: Little furry people who don't understand why you don't love them on Saturdays and Sundays, and decide to address this issue by sitting on your computer or eating your shoes.

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20. "Partner"

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Usually means: Your romantic life colleague.

Now means: That joker who wakes you up by yelling "TIME TO GO TO WORK!" in the morning before rolling over and falling back asleep for the rest of the day.