17 Things Everyone With A Northern Grandmother Just Knows
Nanna, Nan, Granny...whatever you call her, she’s northern AF.
She has A LOT of opinions on how fat or thin you’ve got.
And then force-feeds you homemade Eccles cakes or parkin regardless.
She calls (usually average-looking) guys “bonny lads” loud enough for them to hear.
If you complain you’re cold, she’s sure to mention for the 90th time that there was frost on the INSIDE of the windows when she was growing up.
She doesn’t understand your job, but is generally impressed if it’s in an office somewhere.
You have to speak up because apparently you simultaneously mumble and talk too fast.
Which is obviously nothing to do with the fact that she turns off her hearing aid to save the batteries.
You don’t dare whinge about school or uni, otherwise she’ll remind you she left education at 14 to work in a mill.
She says there are too many “cockneys” on TV – and by that, of course, she means anyone born south of Birmingham.
If you take too long in the shower she wonders loudly how well you’d manage with a tin bath in front of the fire.
Or how you’d cope with the outside toilet her family shared with five other houses on the street.
She always has multiple cautionary tales from when she got the cane at school and her mother “played pop” with her.
When you ask what’s for pudding, she answers “a drink o’ water an’ a swing ont’ garden gate” or something similarly sarcastic.
She calls everyone “love”, which is probably because she can’t remember anyone’s name.
She’s the only person you know who still inexplicably eats jam tarts.
If you say you need a holiday in the sun, she’s quick to inform you again of the one week she spent in Blackpool as a child.
But despite one devastating truth bomb after another, you have to feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have a northern Grandma.
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