Rebel Wilson's Real Age Is Very Important And We Cannot Rest Until We Know The Truth
Thank God the media is on the case.
Rebel Wilson, funny lady and all-around great Australian, might not have been entirely truthful about her age and this is a VERY BIG DEAL.
Thank God the Australian media is here to expose the truth. It all started with gossip magazine Woman's Day earlier this week.
The magazine reported that Rebel's real name "is – or was – Melanie Elizabeth Bownds, and she's 36 – she was born in 1979 and we left school in 1997."
Not to be outdone, Mamamia, a website dedicated to improving women's representation in the media, also bravely stated the truth.
Mamamia's founder Mia Freedman defended the decision to publish the actress's real name, saying she'd been toying with the idea of exposing the truth for some time and had finally decided it needed to be exposed.
"We kind of let it go because we didn't want to be seen to be attacking her. What changed is some comments that she started making recently that have been very negative towards women that are her age or older. Just very subtle barbs," Freedman said.
This morning Fairfax got its crack team of investigative reporters to go digging through tax documents.
The Sydney Morning Herald had pored over documents lodged with the Australian Securities and Investment Commission to reveal that Wilson is indeed 35, not 29 as claimed.
The SMH also reported that Wilson's Wikipedia and IMDb pages have been updated to report the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
News.com.au has found a former co-worker from Rebel's teens, who says the actress was never viewed as "the funny one" when she worked at the Event Cinemas at Castle Hill and that she was "very nice, quirky and kind of quiet."
We at BuzzFeed News also feel that women in Hollywood have had it too easy for too long, and have compiled a list of questions that Rebel Wilson must answer.
1. You call yourself Rebel but what have you really rebelled against except for the concept of linear time?
2. Are you related to Wilson from Home Improvement or is that another LIE?
3. You had a British accent in Bridesmaids but an Australian accent the rest of the time. What gives?
4. Who are you wearing?
5. It seems like everyone was willing to believe you were 29, what's your skincare regime like?
6. Isn't age kind of a redundant concept anyway?
7. Have you ever ordered a Coke, received a Pepsi, and not been able to tell the difference?
8. You say you're a comic actress so why aren't you in The Avengers?
9. Where you really born in Australia? Where's the birth certificate?
10. If you really did grow up in Australia, sing the second verse of the National Anthem. (If you can, we'll know you're not actually Australian.)
11. You've said you were good at sport in school. How can this be true if you are a woman?
12. How much do you weigh? We have a right to know.
13. What's your deepest, most existential fear that we can exploit?
14. Why won't you tell us your phone number? What are you hiding?