Buzz·Posted on 6 Jan 201733 Twitter Jokes That Are Just Very, Very FunnyThe internet: not always horrific.by Robin EddsBuzzFeed Staff, UK LinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Mat @MatCro GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way. 01:11 PM - 26 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. keely flaherty @flahertykeely me at hotel: *pushing all the continental breakfast tables together* hotel security: miss why are you- me: PANGEA BREAKFAST 06:51 PM - 14 Dec 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. jlmorrison @jlmorrison I think it's from one of the Henry's 04:32 AM - 02 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Periwinkle Jones @peachesanscream Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments. 08:18 AM - 27 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Chris Green @Chris_M_Green What's made of brass, and, sounds like Tom Jones?Trombones. 11:01 PM - 06 Mar 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Paul @bingowings14 There's a special place in Hull reserved for the inventor of autocorrect. 03:20 PM - 06 Aug 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Tom @tdawks ... although it SOUNDED like he lived in Flat No. 70. 01:43 PM - 17 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Ranjit Bhatnagar @ranjit Sir Mix-a-lot likes big butts and cannot lie. His twin brother does not like big butts and cannot tell the truth. You may ask one question. 08:00 PM - 21 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan Do YOU appear in the form of water droplets? Are YOU found on grass and windows in the morning? If so you MAY be dew condensation. 08:35 AM - 17 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Adam Hess @adamhess1 Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother. 10:44 AM - 13 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Matt Tobey @mtobey "Anybody here named Jeff?" Jeff: "Yes" Geoff: "Yeos" 12:02 AM - 21 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. hexy @sarugetchuu This is the funniest joke I've seen in years and nothing will ever top this 02:54 PM - 05 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Kashana @kashanacauley Can't believe there are so many songs about love and only one where someone welcomes someone else to a jungle. 04:54 PM - 11 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. brandon sheffield @necrosofty Q: What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination? A: HAAAND EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYE 01:14 AM - 03 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Harry Twotter @ThatWiggaDev "Babe can you move over?" "But I don't have mushroom" 02:55 AM - 05 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Megan Amram @meganamram Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads 10:04 PM - 25 Apr 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. ◾️◾️ rory ◾️◾️ @rorynotroy “Um.” - 1st horse that got ridden 04:45 PM - 23 Jun 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Karen Kilgariff @KarenKilgariff FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian 05:20 PM - 24 Jul 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. gordon @impurethots Ed Sheeran's 10th studio album 06:32 PM - 02 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Steven W Skinner @SkinnerSteven "I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped 06:32 PM - 07 Apr 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. beth @bhought0n I like my tea how I like my men 02:07 PM - 17 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. David Hughes @david8hughes [sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye." 03:41 PM - 01 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. new year same wife @mrdaddymanphd the miracle of birth is BEAUTIFUL if you think this is "gross" or "disturbing" the unfollow button is right there b… https://t.co/wwwRxpOqNg 06:17 PM - 24 Oct 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Sean Leahy @thepunningman "The bond's Name. James Name" Pleased to... what? "Bond Name's the james" Are you alright? "Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance" 09:33 AM - 02 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. Ash Warner @AlsBoy You can tell me this is a bird flying all you want I still think it's a rabbit on skis in the middle of a long jump 05:21 PM - 07 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. trouteyes @trouteyes Policeman: Name please? Woman: Cheryl Cole Policeman: Your FULL name Woman: (quietly) Chernobyl Coleslaw 05:23 PM - 28 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. roshni @rshnkhnn_ unreliable? are never on time? have to share them with 10 other women? which one is it x 04:48 PM - 11 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. David Hughes @david8hughes Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas 12:39 AM - 05 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. Tom Carter @Pointless_Alias I couldn't believe what I saw on @C4Countdown today, it was just bang out of order. 03:52 PM - 06 Oct 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. denise @Stellacopter No fucking way will I choose the shopping cart that someone left a piece of paper in. 08:51 PM - 16 Apr 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Matthew 🌹 Slusser @mattslusser You're never too old to say "horses" when you drive past some horses 04:30 PM - 24 Dec 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 32. everett byram @rad_milk don't assume someone's gender just because they are back in town 01:01 AM - 13 Dec 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 33. Cohen KING OF GHOSTS @skullmandible most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns 11:50 PM - 12 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite