23 Things You’ll Only Understand If You Fucking Hate Mayo

For anyone who understands that it’s basically just food glue.

Hi. My name is Robin. And I fucking hate mayonnaise. Here’s why.

1. Just. Fucking. Look at it.

2. For too long mayonnaise has conned the world into thinking it is food, when all it really is is a sandwich ruiner.

3. It’s really great at ruining other foods too. It ruins tuna…

4. It ruins potatoes.

5. It ruins perfectly good chips, or “fries” to our American cousins.

Thomas Kohler / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: mecklenburg

6. It even ruins trick or treating.

7. It’s basically just used as a glue to stick other foods together. It’s food glue.

Coleslaw is the worst side dish. Vinegar and mayo on cabbage?! Pure garbage.

— Bae Thompson (@_erinleanne)

8. You spend your life asking for sandwiches with NO MAYO, but that almost never ends well.

What part of no cheese and no mayo do KFC not understand? #hatemayo #hatecheese #angrytweet 😡😡😡😡

— Emma Jones (@EmmaJones01)

9. Occasionally you’ll find a mayo-less sandwich, which is nice n’all, but they’re usually a bit dull.

Just because you don’t want mayo doesn’t mean you want a plain ham sandwich.

10. Though every now and again you’ll find something that is both tasty AND mayo-less, and have pretty much the best day ever.

thank you @eat_news for a great #mayofree sarnie ... there aren't many around #firstworldproblems #hatemayo 😂

— Andrew Dunning APD (@andrewdunning)

11. Your friends aren’t exactly supportive of your lifestyle choices.

12. Like, not even remotely supportive.

13. So when you encounter like-minded people you really learn to appreciate them.

14. You understand, like these protesters, that mayonnaise is best used as a weapon.

Getty / Via independent.co.uk

15. Because remember, mayo is just eggs, oil, and vinegar. It’s basically egg sauce. Think about that. EGG SAUCE. Nope.

This is what happens to mayo when you freeze it and the oil separates out.

16. Any food stuff that comes in a “heavy duty” variety is surely not a good thing.

17. Particularly when it comes in something that looks like you bought it at Homebase.

18. There’s just something so…seedy…about mayo.

20. It brings out the worst in people.

21. And you never know where it’ll strike next.

22. I mean, is there a more unnerving sight in the world than this?

23. Put simply:

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Robin Edds is editor-at-large at BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.
 
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