The 29 Stages Of Freshers' Week, As Told By "Fresh Meat"

    University won't be exactly like an episode of "Fresh Meat". But it won't be far off...

    1. After the most nerve-racking drive of your life, you turn up at your new flat.

    2. And quickly size up your housemates.

    3. You'll judge books by their covers.

    4. There will be people who don't seem to fit in, but for now at least you pretend to like them.

    5. Once everyone has moved in, you'll head straight to the pub.

    6. There will be lots of talk about who is/isn't a virgin.

    7. You'll reveal secrets that you wish you hadn't.

    8. And you'll get a lot of time to practice your "oh, that's really interesting" face.

    9. You'll meet people who love themselves.

    10. You'll meet drama queens.

    11. And you'll meet public school boys who say things like this.

    12. You'll quickly slip into a routine.

    13. You'll experiment.

    14. You'll be forced to learn how to cook, but your friends will be skeptical.

    15. You'll hear some terrible chat up lines.

    16. Kiss people you probably shouldn't have kissed.

    17. And tell someone you love them.

    18. You'll get a part time job.

    19. If you're feeling adventurous you might redecorate the flat.

    20. Occasionally you'll start to miss home and have a bit of a cry.

    21. So you call your parents to cheer yourself up.

    22. You'll try to blag your way into parties.

    23. You'll have inappropriate feelings towards one of your lecturers.

    24. Which should only be acted upon in extreme circumstances.

    25. Arguments will be started, and people will say things they don't mean.

    26. But a few hours later it's all forgotten. So you get your glad rags on.

    27. And do it all over again.

    28. Then after a few days you'll realise that you actually like your housemates.

    29. And for some reason they seem to like you too.

    So enjoy Freshers' Week while you can. It'll all be downhill from here...