Trying not to laugh at our wonderful place names.
I mean, what chance do we have?!
Or peoples' names, for that matter.
Resisting the temptation to say "your mum" at every opportunity.
Our political system is irreparably divided.
Our insatiable desire to queue politely.
Which is drilled into all of us from an early age.
Literally everything in Britain is an innuendo.
We do exactly what we're told.
Even acts of rebellion are carefully organised.
Or involve some sort of wordplay.
We must be within 5ft of a kettle at all times.
As a result our sewers regularly get blocked up with discarded tea bags.
We're actually incapable of writing angry letters without using a nice font and rhyming couplets.
We're eternally self-deprecating.
And unlike many more modern countries, our roads don't exactly make too much sense.
Fighting can be so time consuming — but hopefully that will all change soon...
Occasionally people can overreact.
And we're unable to resist a bargain. Regardless of how ill-judged it may be.
Rules can be a little OTT. It's so hard to have ANY fun anymore.
I mean, come on! We're basically living in 1984.
We all live in fear that the seagulls will one day rise up.
We're forced to recycle everything. And I mean everything.
Life in Britain can be very lonely. Even the benches are against us.
Our sense of humour is too sophisticated for many.
But the most crippling problem of all? Our inability to avoid puns.