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35 Rules All British People Live By

Say no to politicised knitting.

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1. Don't be a dickhead.

2. Politicians usually deserve it.

The Times / Via reddit.com

3. Good things come to those who wait.

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4. Do not feed the mattresses.

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5. When it comes to politics, make sure you think about your vote carefully.

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6. If you're going to write a letter, it's best to do it on a cake.

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7. When encountering your future king, make sure your towel is secure.

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8. It's best to avoid Chinese restaurants with French names serving English classics.

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9. Always dress smartly, because you never know who you might meet.

Will you ever see a photo better than this? Geoff Boycott with his favourite pop star @katyperry! #TestMatchSpecial

Adam Mountford@tmsproducer

Will you ever see a photo better than this? Geoff Boycott with his favourite pop star @katyperry! #TestMatchSpecial

9:07 AM - 21 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

10. If your dog has large nipples, take extra care.

11. And if you make a mistake, don't say anything and hope that no one notices.

12. If all else fails, pub.

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13. Just, no.

14. Don't buy these.

15. Politicised knitting is an absolute no no.

16. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

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17. It's important that you spend time with like-minded people.

18. Don't go and see this psychic.

19. This response is always appropriate.

20. Don't listen to self service checkout machines.

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21. Learn from the mistakes of others.

22. Acronyms aren't always your friend.

23. Under no circumstances should you pass up the opportunity to use a good pun.

24. Like, ever.

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25. Beware of bold claims.

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26. Don't be fooled by clever marketing. Even if it's about beer.

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27. NOPE.

28. Never sugarcoat the truth.

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29. When considering committing a sex act in the street, always look around for the Google Maps camera first.

30. Don't do that in the shower.

31. Toilet: Yes, Seaweed: No.

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33. When commuting, leave the farm animals at home.

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34. Try not to post letters into a dog poo box if at all possible.