35 Reasons You Should Never Visit London
Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged or not appreciated.
For some reason London is one of the most popular travel destinations on the planet.
This can only mean one thing: people are stupid. I mean, look at it. What a dump.
For starters the Thames is disgusting.
There's no wildlife to be seen except squirrels and foxes.
Autumn in London pretty much sucks.
It almost never snows in winter, and when it does it's just grey slushy stuff.
Spring is a massive let down.
And summer? Well, you get the idea.
The main problem with London is that it's just so grey.
All the time. Grey, grey and more grey.
And this incessant greyness just brings everyone down.
Because nothing looks good in grey.
All the new buildings in the city have totally ruined the skyline.
And the older buildings aren't much better.
Come on, Natural History Museum. You're not even trying!
As we all know, Londoners hate everyone.
But can you really blame them when it looks like this?
Of course the pubs in London are overcrowded and have zero character.
Borough Market is just a tourist trap that does, at best, average food.
And who wants a market dedicated solely to flowers?! Fuckwits. That's who.
In London it's impossible to find any peace and quiet.
And if your desires are... unconventional, there's nothing here for you.
Tube stations are utterly characterless.
Don't even get me started on the train stations.
Oh, you like the Southbank? Aren't you original.
The Olympics was a total waste of money. Legacy, my arse!
And while we're on the subject, no view in the world is worth paying to go up the Shard.
East London is just full of of beards, cereal cafes and restaurants where you can't book a table.
Not to mention all the graffiti.
Greenwich Mean Time? More like a massive WASTE of time amirite?
And the view from the top definitely isn't worth it.
Why on earth The Kinks decided to sing about something as boring as a Waterloo sunset I've got no idea. Fuck you, Ray Davies.
And after ten minutes in the Tower of London you'll be BEGGING them to behead you.
So in summary: London is a pile of wank and you should stay well away.
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