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44 Reasons Why Britain Is Totally F*cked

Britain is broken. Sorry, everyone.

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1. Because urinals are being repurposed as furniture in trendy cafes.

The afterlife of a toilet - a cafe in Oxford Circus.. #onlyinlondon

2. Because this exists.

Tinder, but for... OK, I give up. I have nothing.

3. Because wine now looks like milk.

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4. Because nothing is safe.

My god, it comes to something when chewing gum is security wrapped! #BrokenBritain

5. Not even our ice cream men.

I've just seen an Ice Cream Man getting a parking ticket. #CameronsBritain

6. Because banks are acceptable locations for school trips.

In case anyone was wondering how Cameron's Britain's going, here's a class full of kids on a school trip to Natwest

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8. Because even the dogs are living better lives than us.

9. Because plates are a thing of the past.

Chips in a shaving mug on a Children's Britanica. #wewantplates #CameronsBritain

10. Because you need a strong credit rating to buy a sausage roll.

11. Because there are people who eat oranges like apples.

THERE IS A WOMAN OPPOSITE ME EATING AN ORANGE LIKE AN APPLE #CameronsBritain

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12. Because some people just want to watch the world burn.

13. And some people really want to *stop* you from burning (your hand).

14. Because nothing makes sense anymore.

The true meaning of #Easter? A Pot Noodle Easter egg. #BrokenBritain

15. Literally nothing.

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16. Because inflation is through the roof.

Next question deals with the rising price of Chomps for working families. #bbcdebate #brokenbritain

17. And people want the world on a plate.

Just passed this guy. This is the state of our country #brokenbritain

18. Because there are threats coming from every angle.

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20. Even the pasties have turned on us.

Ginsters roll in wrapper upside down #BrokenBritain #torybritain

21. Because this was allowed to happen.

I've always found Rochester is the classier end of Medway... #BrokenBritain

22. And this.

Blaming Cameron for this, too. #brokenbritain

23. Because people felt the need to put up this sign.

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24. And write this warning.

This has been sprayed outside my house.

25. Because you can't say anything on Twitter without being sucked into some "brandter".

26. Because once the trendy pubs have succumbed, we are truly lost.

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28. Because apparently this is a Quaver.

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29. Because nothing is special.

30. Because there are endless mixed messages.

Right, that’s enough of that. Here’s a photo that explains why Britain is broken.

31. Even the vegetables are confused.

Cameron’s Britain. RT @ElliottLidstone: This leeks off it's nut!

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32. Because people feel they can get away with this.

Cameron’s Britain. RT @steoreilly: Shoreditch Hipster bap pricing

33. Because organic chickens are targets for master criminals.

If this isn't a sign of Cameron's Britain I don't know what is. A security tag, on a chicken.

34. And obviously they need something to cook them in...

Shocking story. This country is going to hell in a handcart.

35. Because the powers that be are out of control.

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36. Because there is filth absolutely everywhere.

37. Because even the sign writers don't give a fuck anymore.

What do we think of this double negative @shitlondon ? Seen in the City this morning

38. Some of them have even started to get a little aggressive.

39. Because it's much harder to achieve necessary levels of self loathing in a tea room.

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40. Because there's nothing but excuses.

Getting your excuses in first. #MenAtWork in #London. I may adapt this for my office door!

41. Because this is a thing you can buy. Even though you obviously shouldn't.

But what we really want is Equalitea #cameronsbritain

42. Because everything is up for grabs.

@ruthdavidsonmsp Padlocked zimmer frame. #brokenbritain

43. Because change is always bad.

Eww. Heroes come with Toblerone now? #BrokenBritain

44. Because fuck this.

Available on the ground floor 'banter belts' and other assorted lad accessories #brokenbritain