1.
The horror of accidental human contact.
2.
Every time a Tinder date who you think is the one turns out not to be the one.
3.
When you're thankful you've had decades of experience of avoiding awkward situations.
4.
When you can't think of the thing you want to say, so you swear instead.
5.
When you try to be positive but you can't keep up the facade for more than a few seconds.
6.
When you're tired of everyone's bullshit.
8.
When someone asks you how the new job's going.
9.
Trying and failing to make it look like you don't enjoy the misery of others.
10.
When you try to take a bottle of wine into the cinema.
11.
When your colleague asks what you're up to this weekend.
12.
When you consider trying out a new look.
13.
When someone tries to give you advice whose life is in no better shape than yours.
14.
When you do something slightly embarrassing in front of someone you'll probably never see again.
15.
Every time you go to that chicken shop that looks like it might give you all the food poisoning.
16.
When you embark on pre-first date "research".
17.
When someone tries to push their optimistic world view onto you.
18.
When you haven't heard from the person you like in a couple of days.
19.
You, at all the parties.
20.
You, every single working day.
21.
You, pretty much all the time.
22.
When your friends who are in relationships try to set you up.
23.
The extreme lengths you'll go to to ensure that no one finds out you're as terrible as you actually are.
24.
Every time someone tries to talk to you about money.
25.
When someone pisses you off so you show them you really mean business. You know, without actually doing anything...
26.
When you realise all your friends are much cooler and more interesting than you.
27.
Or when you feel the inevitable footsteps of death creeping up behind you.
28.
Whenever you (somehow) find yourself in a relationship, but you're clearly not happy.
29.
That perfect opening line that never fails.
31.
When you try to talk politics.
32.
Every time you let someone else's secret slip in an effort to make people like you.
33.
When the recruiter tells you what jobs are available.
34.
Every morning. Every day. Forever.
