103 Reasons Why British People Go To The Pub
Warning: After reading this you will need to go to the pub.
1. It's your birthday.
2. It's your friend's birthday.
3. It's someone you maybe met once's birthday, but you can't remember their name so you mumble when it gets to that part of the song.
4. It's a Friday, and you've had a hard week at work.
5. It's a Saturday, the only day of the week when you're truly free.
6. It's a Sunday, and you need to drink to forget that you're back at work tomorrow.
7. Your football team won.
8. Your football team lost.
9. Drinking is the only way to make football tolerable.
10. George Osborne.
11. Because it's raining and the pub has a fire.
12. Because it's hot and the pub has a beer garden.
13. Because it's neither raining nor hot – perfect conditions for going to the pub!
14. You owe your friend a drink.
15. Your friend owes you a drink.
16. You have nothing else to do.
17. You have SO much to do that the pub is the only option.
18. It's Thursday, which is basically the new Friday.
19. How else are you meant to get through a Monday?!
20. Taylor Swift has just released a new album.
21. It's Christmas.
22. It's New Year.
23. It's Chinese New Year.
24. It's 5pm SOMEWHERE in the world.
25. It's Wednesday and it feels like the week will never end.
26. A glass of red is good for your health, don't you know.
27. You're supporting the local economy.
28. You're cripplingly lonely and it's the only way to meet people.
29. You're on a first date, and getting drunk is the only way to break the ice.
30. Because you're on any date, and it's the only way you can express your emotions.
31. Dark beer contains fibre, and you once saw an advert that said fibre keeps you regular.
32. The prospect of Ed Miliband.
33. The reality of David Cameron.
34. Because you're Nick Clegg.
35. You like going to the pub.
36. It's your half birthday.
37. It's your cat's birthday.
38. It's your friend's cat's half birthday.
39. You got a promotion. :)
40. You got fired. :(
41. There's nothing on TV.
42. There's nothing on TV and you've literally watched ALL of Netflix.
43. You got dumped.
44. You broke your hand and the cold beer soothes the pain.
45. The pub has Jenga.
46. You're still struggling to get over the Red Wedding.
47. Your housemate is a dick and you need to get out.
48. You can't face watching Octoknob on The X Factor.
49. You really fancy some pork scratchings but can't justify eating them without a beer.
50. There will be tables available at this time of day.
51. You read the word "pub" in a book today and now you can't stop thinking about it.
52. You dumped somebody.
53. You have a strict "three-drink minimum" rule before you can order a dirty takeaway, and you REALLY want a dirty takeaway.
54. Because you stalked your crush and know they're going to be in the pub.
55. Breaking Bad left a hole in your heart that can only be filled with alcohol.
56. You fancy the person who works behind the bar.
57. Because the pub offers a wide selection of real ales, and it would be rude not to try all of them.
58. Because it's on the way home from work.
59. You're hungover and require hair of the dog.
60. You have a crippling alcohol dependency.
61. You need to get off Twitter and try talking to people in the real world.
62. It will be a great place to send Snapchats from.
63. There is an excellent pub dog.
64. There is an excellent pub cat.
65. There is an excellent pub bearded dragon.
66. The voices in your head told you to.
67. Because no great story starts with "I was on my sofa watching Come Dine With Me".
68. It's showing the football.
69. It's showing the rugby.
70. It's showing the American football.
71. It's showing the snooker.
72. Because pubs always have tatty copies of John Grisham and Stephen King novels along the windowsills and you can't get enough of that shit.
73. Because you managed to get through the day without a drink and therefore you deserve a drink.
74. It's much nicer than your flat.
75. If anything you've got too much money and need to get rid of some of it.
76. You have a friend visiting.
77. You're alive, and if that's not worth celebrating, what is?!
78. It's winter.
79. Because drunk-texting your ex only ever ends well.
80. You don't have any glasses and home and you need to steal some.
81. It's National Going to the Pub Day.
82. The clocks have gone back. Or forward. You can't figure out which. Either way, beer.
83. It's the best way to paper over the cracks of your inevitably doomed relationship.
84. You never know, Taylor Swift might be in the pub.
85. You've run out of alcohol at home.
86. Because as if you have the energy to cook a roast yourself.
87. If you spend another second reading comments on the internet you'll lose all faith in humanity.
88. Someone asked you to.
89. You saw a spider in your house and so you live in the pub now.
90. Because, let's be honest, a Scotch egg and a pork pie is the dinner of champions.
91. Because sometimes you actually have to see a Wetherspoon's to believe it.
92. It has free Wi-Fi.
93. Pubs are an important part of our identity.
94. Everyone needs a local.
95. Even Taylor Swift.
96. Your friends are there.
97. You're going to pull a sickie tomorrow.
98. You're not going to pull a sickie, but being hungover at work makes it slightly more interesting.
99. Because beer tastes nice.
100. Wine, too.
101. Because it makes you happy.
102. Because why not.
103. Because you're British.