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44 Genuinely Funny Tweets British People Need Now More Than Ever

Honestly, what else have we got?!

Posted on

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Busy morning so far, updating all my Euros

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This entire shelf of own-brand cereals sounds like an old English army Major, trying to find a euphemism for gay me… https://t.co/eRVPVpxYVD

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I've got a Blur alarm clock, so I always wake up listening to Park Life, except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by the dustmen.

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I like to think that's just how she walks.

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Smashing Pumpkins is my favourite: 1) band 2) phrase used by an upper middle class British father to praise his two young children

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In this photo Theresa May looks like she is being treated at the roadside after a minor traffic collision.

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Anyone want a signed set list of mine from 2006?

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🎶Wasn't it good, Oh so good, Wasn't he fine, Oh so fine, Isn't madness he can't be mine🎶

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Note to Las Vegas airport. Are you aware you've used Nick Clegg on your maintenance posters?

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Never sell a golf club on Facebook to someone from East Kilbride!

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autoglass: autoglass repair me: autoglass replace

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If we do go to war with Spain we should attack between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.

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A rare glimpse of an inner-city bollard charmer in action.

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Day 1 v Day 14 of your all inclusive holiday.

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its mad to think that if you buy a triple sandwich at Tesco, someone else is eating the other half of the same sandwich

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Throwback to when Jim Bowen got caught by Boba Fett

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After you stay the night with Arsene Wenger

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Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.

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For just a second there I thought someone had left Trump out in the rain.

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"Hahaha. Yeah, I get that a lot. It's Alan, actually"

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REPORTER, WALKING UP REGENT ST: one can only imagine what Londoners are thinking now LONDONERS: why is this prick walking SO SLOWLY

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How to play: before leaving any office, write a load of absurd bollocks on the whiteboard for the next lot to puzzl… https://t.co/CO2fVyb8hZ

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At this time of year, spare a thought for all the tireless volunteers who have to shift the stones forward an hour… https://t.co/DK3wirM1L5

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Yes that's a sausage on a model train going back and forth in the butcher's window. #Sheringham

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• Buy pack of Waitrose baby wipes. • Open it. • Pull out wipe. • BABY CHEF!

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Oh, it walks too? That's....comforting.

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Have... have you got any from a cow

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Hello, I am from Britain, you know, the one that got tricked by a bus

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Another lacklustre effort from Enid Blyton

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A very smart friend of mine (@cachoothatswho) pointed out that our cactus print looks exactly like this promo shot… https://t.co/6nXcA8N34Y

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fuck off only Weetabix is allowed to be in landscape

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Went inty a cake shop. Boy said all cakes £1. A said can a get that one. He said that's £2. A said £2? He said aye that's Madeira cake

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Neighbours described the United Kingdom as a "quiet, well-mannered country" that "kept itself to itself".

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"And that is why I have decided to accept an invitation to become Angela Merkel's cat" #Article50

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wow I must have missed the announcement when minimum wage was raised to £93 million an hour thanks Theresa May knew… https://t.co/TZtdEL1V2z

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