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29 Christmas Cracker Jokes That Failed So Hard They Almost Won

"Graham, what is a crane?"

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1. This one, that was probably going for "hornaments", but even that wouldn't make sense because reindeer have antlers.

2. And whatever spelling would have made this "joke" funny, we can be 100% sure that it wasn't this one.

Discovered: world’s worst cracker joke. Unfunny, factually incorrect, and not even spelled right.

3. Sticking with ghosts, why are they so popular? This one could have been about literally anything.

World's worst Christmas cracker joke?

4. This one that makes us can't the most.

5. But if you're going to fuck it up, you may as well fuck it up properly.

6. We've been thinking about this one for days. Help.

We are all baffled by this Christmas cracker joke. What does it mean??

7. What is this? Santa didn't die for this!

Anyone care to explain this poor Christmas Cracker joke to me? Not a clue. #Help #Joke

8. 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

Think I've officially found the worst Christmas cracker joke of all time #WhoWritesThese

9. It's almost like people who write these things aren't professional comedians.

Hey M&S, this cracker joke works with "E.T." because it's short for something. You can't just stick "elf" in there.

10. If you can't be funny, be dark as hell.

still laughing at this hilariously grim xmas cracker "joke" i got while out for lunch a few weeks back

11. Then there are the ones that have all the right words, but decide to include some wrong ones just to hedge their bets.

12. Some are so bad that they sound like great philosophical questions.

whoever wrote the joke/riddle/gibberish on this christmas cracker has successfully confused me for an entire day

13. And some are, well...

14. By now you've probably forgotten what a joke looks like. Hint: it doesn't look like this.

still think about this Christmas cracker joke a lot

15. So close but yet so, so far.

And we just pulled the best joke ever out of a xmas cracker

16. This one is clearly down to human error (the error being that the human is a humourless bell end).

I just got this joke in a cracker. It doesn't even work

17. Whereas others probably (hopefully) can be blamed on spell check.

As a Boxing Day treat, I think we may have found this year's worst cracker joke. Any advances on this one?...


Taking Cracker Jokes to the next level.... #crackerjoke

19. Here's proof that even the most fancy-pants of crackers can let you down.

Hi @Fortnums are you going to come back to me on this "joke" of a Xmas cracker? #FortnumsChristmas #complaint

20. This one is incorrect. It was raining. In our souls...

21. At least this one can't be criticised for lack of scientific accuracy.

22. Unlike this one, in which comedy and biology take a beating.

Cracker joke fail courtesy of @Poundland lol

23. Staying with cows, you'll never be able to eat cereal again without feeling like a terrible person.

Genuine contender for worst Xmas cracker joke ever??! 😞

24. Though not technically a joke, this manages to be the worst thing we've even seen in a cracker.

So, just got this beneath the joke in my cracker. Erm…WTF?! Nothing like body dysmorphia in front of lots of food

25. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like farming facts.

Well this is a great cracker joke... #festive

26. And OK, so the jokes may be dodgy, but at least you can't argue with cracker trivia.

27. Back to "jokes"...

28. This one is probably really funny when you work it out, we just haven't come close to working it out yet.

I know cracker jokes are known for bein bad. But this one is too far. Even for @BadJokeCat . Does it even make sense?

29. But last, and very much least, there's Graham...

And, by far, the worst Christmas cracker joke on the market