You opt for a Potter movie marathon with a total Muggle who hasn't read the books, so they ask a few questions along the way. And like, they're kinda talking sense.
1. "They kept this kid in a cupboard for ten years? Why isn't he just like 'f*ck this' and call Social Services or whatever?"
2. "Whoa, that guy's half giant? His small human dad impregnated his GIANT mother?"
3. "If the only train to school goes from London to Scotland, what happens if you live in like, Liverpool?"
4. "If you're only allowed an owl, a cat or a toad, why's this guy got a rat?"
5. "How is his prescription the same the whole way through? Wait, this kid does magic. Why does he even need glasses?"
6. "Can't he just pick it up?"
7. "If the teachers set up all those obstacles, why don't they just ask the teachers to do it?"
8. "So they broke like every school rule but got given a billion house points?"
9. "Why are they so keen to get to school? If you missed your train wouldn't you just be like 'hey, cool'?"
10. "It's kinda like Talking Angela, right?"
11. "There's been an enormous monster snake thing in the school walls for half a century and the headmaster's like 'hey, hakuna matata'?"
12. "LOL that he's just been sitting around working that out. Don't you think that woulda taken ages to work out?"
13. "So can we clarify... Expelliarmus is like a big super attack blast-off-your-feet spell?"
14. "Or more of a 'hehehe got your stick' spell?"
15. "They flipped out about the car, but how come nobody saw his aunt floating between Surrey and Sheffield?"
16. "How do those photos work? How long does the picture go on for? Is it like a live stream, or...?"
17. "What happened to that guy?"
18. "Has that guy always been Irish?"
19. "Swear his hut thing was different before?"
20. "Where'd that massive bridge come from?"
21. "They had the Find Friends map thing the whole time and never thought to ask who that random guy was?"
22. "So they just keep that to save everyone else for the rest of the series?"
23. "He okay?"
24. "Was he always totally insane?"
25. "What's wrong with her eyebrows?"
26. "Kinda cut the budget on SFX for this one, huh?"
27. "So he looks a little different, don't you think?"
28. "So it's like a regular maze, but hazy?"
29. "Why is he not just like 'Nah sorry don't fancy slicing my hand open'? Like, what is he proving?"
30. "So she stays and then what? She just gets a job at a bar or something?"
31. "And would nobody freak out at a bunch of kids flying on... wait, nothing?"
32. "So he got killed by a translucent curtain?"
33. "Kinda boring this one, isn't it?"
34. "He probably coulda just pushed him off that and it would've done the job, no?"
35. "They tried to sneak him out discreetly by making SEVEN of him?"
36. "Wasn't that guy chubby and white before?"
37. "When did they learn to do that?"
38. "Why's she grinding with the glasses guy if she likes the ginger guy?"
39. "And wouldn't someone see a flying dragon?"
40. "Are they like making out or...?"
41. "So he died of like, eczema?"
44. "Just like, what?"
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