10 Apr 2019

    The Prime Minister Has Delayed Calling The Election And Everyone Seems To Have Gone Mad

    Imagine what's going to happen when the campaigning actually begins.

    Hello fans of Australian politics! I regret to inform you the prime minister has still not called the election and therefore everything is a giant shitshow.

    Dave Hunt / AAPIMAGE

    While we wait for Election'19, the news cycle has become a dumpster fire of unofficial campaigning and mudslinging.

    Former PM Malcolm Turnbull this week even called one of his successor's current attack campaigns "peak crazy".

    So with zero fanfare and very little context, below are some of the nonsensical and utterly baffling things that have happened in just the last few days. Keep in mind at all times — the election campaign hasn't even begun yet...

    1. The prime minister said a race horse and its team got a fair go because they had a fair go.

    .@ScottMorrisonMP on Winx: @winx_horse has captured Australia's heart. The whole team epitomizes the idea of 'a fair go for those who have a go.' MORE: https://t.co/ykweMevBOK #weekendlive

    2. Someone who sounds like Ryan Gosling dressed up as a fake GetUp character to troll the leftwing lobby group but ended up just trolling themselves.

    Hello again true believers! Just wanted to give all my fans a quick update about what I've been up to today! I've been in Manly campaigning for my good friend and fellow GetUp legend @zalisteggall! #CaptainGetUp #auspol #WarringahVotes p.s. visit https://t.co/UdXV1JlyDM

    The stunt was launched by conservative group Advance Australia, but honestly it's impossible to know who is trolling who at this point.

    CG: I am Captain GetUp, the truth crusader! PUNTER: so you’re from GetUp? CG: er, no. PUNTER: So why are you called Captain GetUp? CG: give me 3 more minutes and I will explain!

    3. Because the election hasn’t been called, Senate Estimates went ahead and at times it was a total farce.

    Mathias Cormann: I happen to think Brussels sprouts is an amazing and very healthy food and I eat it happily and regularly but I’m not proposing a law that 50% of all foods that Australian consume must be Brussels sprouts. (I think they are talking about electric cars, clearly)

    4.

    Here's video of Ian MacDonald asking if Huang Xiangmo is related to Penny Wong #auspol #estimates

    5.

    Liberal senator Ian Macdonald has been forced to apologise after linking Labor’s Penny Wong to a controversial Chinese businessman https://t.co/lnMOxOo9dJ

    6. Nothing to see here.

    @joshgnosis Finance Minister Mathias Cormann says there were 120-150 government appointments made between March 14 and April 5, ping @fergushunter

    7. Protesters staged a demonstration against the proposed Adani coal mine during the prime minister's speech, not once, not twice, but three times.

    "Do we have contestant number three?" Not one, but two anti-Adani protesters just stormed the stage during PM @ScottMorrisonMP's address at a Brisbane Chamber of Commerce lunch. Both were taken away by security, allowing the Prime Minister to continue his speech. #Auspol

    8. The Coalition government tried to go after Labor leader Bill Shorten's plan for 50% of new vehicles in Australia to be electric by 2030.

    Mick Tsikas / AAPIMAGE

    Prime minister Scott Morrison claimed the plan would "end the weekend" and would be devastating for those who love their four-wheel drives.

    There was also an almighty back and forth after Shorten claimed electric vehicles could be charged in 10 minutes.

    But then people started pointing out that the government had been promoting electric vehicles for ages.

    I was just reminded of this tweet from last year #auspol https://t.co/PjHrxD5Wbg

    This is going to be the longest election

    This is where we get to the "peak crazy" remark from Turnbull.

    Malcolm Turnbull has attacked Scott Morrison’s campaign against Labor’s electric vehicle policy as “peak crazy” https://t.co/59xNVuaabf

    Labor very much enjoyed responding:

    Everything is fine.

    The newsreader on KIIS FM just said Scott Morrison was “full of it” on electric cars and Kyle Sandilands described the scare campaign as “crazy”. I’m not sure this is cutting through.

    9. That race horse was on the front pages every day, by the way. It was compared to a contestant on a dating show. Totally normal.

    Tuesday’s front page of The Daily Telegraph.

    10. Far-right senator Fraser Anning escaped punishment for punching a teenager who cracked an egg on his head, after police said he acted in self-defence.

    Egg Boy receives police caution over Fraser Anning incident https://t.co/eHSNqg6jhV

    11. Animal rights activists were handed a number of lambs after chaining themselves to abattoir equipment in a day of national action.

    Some members of the group had chained themselves to equipment but left after receiving the animals. https://t.co/4BpTdSLHda

    Morrison called their actions "unAustralian" and promised to bring in legislation that would see future protesters face up to a year in prison.

    Just wanted to highlight the Australian Government is cracking down on vegans harder than neo-Nazis #auspol

    Here's the deputy prime minister commenting on the matter and then saying he was going to have a steak.

    Vegan activists should be locked up and for a long time. Our Government supports tougher penalties for offenders and will make an announcement later today on that and then I look forward to having a good steak with tomato sauce at lunch #agchatoz #auspol @NationalFarmers @afsnsw

    12. Talking of the country's leaders: On Tuesday, Australia's 29th PM decided to use the media to provide some advice to Australia's 30th PM.

    Malcolm Turnbull: "This has to be addressed at the highest level of security, priority, urgency by the Prime Minister. The buck stops with him. I know what it is like to be Prime Minister and, ultimately, you are responsible and so Scott Morrison has to deal with this." #auspol

    Here's Malcolm Turnbull saying he can't dismiss the Four Corners program as part of gossip in the Canberra bubble. He's suggested this case is comparable to the one that resulted in Sam Dastyari's resignation from Parliament. @politicsabc https://t.co/294Q79Z5O5

    It was regarding the investigation by ABC's Four Corners and Nine newspapers into the tens of thousands of dollars reportedly paid by a Chinese billionaire in an attempt to obtain Australian citizenship.

    Chinese billionaire chasing passport paid Liberal lobbyist who boasted of direct line to Dutton https://t.co/mNJ0lXqdlV

    13. Enter Australia's 28th prime minister (remember these three men are all in the same party).

    Tony Abbott says Malcolm Turnbull 'trying to create something out of nothing' on Peter Dutton https://t.co/l0uhpRO47U via @MichaelKoziol

    "Malcolm Turnbull and I are both members of the same club, we're both former prime ministers, and the last thing I want to do is to buy into a fight with a member of the same club," is an actual quote from Tony Abbott.

    "As far as I'm concerned he's a respected former prime minister and I hope that feeling is reciprocated."

    What a time.

    Reminder: Still no election.

    NBC

    Richard James is the News Director for BuzzFeed Australia and is based in Sydney.

    Contact Richard James at richard.james@buzzfeed.com.

    Got a confidential tip? Submit it here