26 Stages Of Wanting A Pet In A City
“I will never be truly happy until I have a dog.”
You love cute animals.
Your life would be complete if you had one of these.
However, you live here.
Not really going to work.
Time to reconsider. Something smaller?
Now you're just being ridiculous.
While you battle with this huge, life-defining issue, you spot cute animals everywhere.
Your overriding reaction is always like this:
And you give serious thought to stealing someone else’s pride and joy.
"WHY CAN’T I HAVE ONE NOW?!?!"
"I will carry ALL the dogs on the Tube!"
"Oh, this is so terrible. I hate this city and all the wankers who are ruining my happiness."
"I can’t even watch Crufts anymore."
"Right, fuck this, I’m moving to a farm and I’m going to own 50 dogs and they are all going to be my best friends and we are going to be happy forever."
You convince yourself that if you got a dog you would do more exercise.
Which is clearly a massive lie.
Because when all is said and done, to have one of these:
You need a lot of this.
And so the sickening realisation sets in — as you're still struggling to feed yourself, a pet really isn't a viable option.
Which is just heartbreaking.
But one day you will own a pet and on that day you will find true happiness.
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