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Posted on Dec 23, 2014

23 Reasons Why Pandas Are The Biggest Jerks On The Planet

Don't believe the hype. H/T The two people who suggested this post to me at a party.

1. Well let's start with the obvious, they stubbornly refuse to reproduce.

Russell Cheyne / Reuters

2. The bastards even pretend to be pregnant to get preferential treatment.

3. Look at how cute their babies are. Stop playing around and start mating you lazy panda jerks.

China Stringer Network / Reuters

4. They scare far too easily.

5. Despite having the digestive system of a carnivore, they insist on eating bamboo.


6. Which is ridiculous because bamboo contains very little nutritional value, the WWF explains.

Handout / Reuters

7. Pandas must therefore eat between 12kg and 38kg of bamboo every day.

Jose Angel Astor Rocha/Jose Angel Astor Rocha

8. Not only that, their digestive system struggles to even break down the cellulose in bamboo.

China Stringer Network / Reuters

9. "Unlike other bears, pandas do not hibernate," the WWF reveals.



China Daily / Reuters

11. People find them so cute they take selfies next to paper versions.

Samsul Said / Getty Images

12. Their perceived "cuteness" is a real problem. It causes shit like this to happen.

TPG / Getty Images

13. And makes grown adults dress up like this in the name of science.

ABC News / Via

14. I mean, look at them, they are utterly rubbish on slides.

15. The bloody things are born blind and unable to move.

AP Photo/Kin Cheung

16. What kind of animal is only able to conceive for a couple of days in the spring?

AP Photo

17. They are so fucking arrogant.


18. Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, pandas are actually rubbish at kung fu.

TPG / Getty Images

19. Look – couldn't hurt a fly.


20. The fact of the matter is that they are just too damn adorable.

TPG / Getty Images

21. Too damn beautiful.

Wong Campion / Reuters

22. So unbelievably cute.

AP Photo/Kin Cheung

23. Stupid panda jerks.

JOE KLAMAR/AFP / Getty Images

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