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23 Reasons Why Pandas Are The Biggest Jerks On The Planet

Don't believe the hype. H/T The two people who suggested this post to me at a party.

1. Well let's start with the obvious, they stubbornly refuse to reproduce.

2. The bastards even pretend to be pregnant to get preferential treatment.

3. Look at how cute their babies are. Stop playing around and start mating you lazy panda jerks.

4. They scare far too easily.


5. Despite having the digestive system of a carnivore, they insist on eating bamboo.

6. Which is ridiculous because bamboo contains very little nutritional value, the WWF explains.

7. Pandas must therefore eat between 12kg and 38kg of bamboo every day.

8. Not only that, their digestive system struggles to even break down the cellulose in bamboo.

9. "Unlike other bears, pandas do not hibernate," the WWF reveals.


11. People find them so cute they take selfies next to paper versions.

12. Their perceived "cuteness" is a real problem. It causes shit like this to happen.

13. And makes grown adults dress up like this in the name of science.

14. I mean, look at them, they are utterly rubbish on slides.


15. The bloody things are born blind and unable to move.

16. What kind of animal is only able to conceive for a couple of days in the spring?

17. They are so fucking arrogant.

18. Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, pandas are actually rubbish at kung fu.

19. Look – couldn't hurt a fly.

20. The fact of the matter is that they are just too damn adorable.

21. Too damn beautiful.

22. So unbelievably cute.

23. Stupid panda jerks.