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21 Slightly Annoying Things America Gets Wrong About Football

And by football...we mean football.

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America, we need to talk about football.

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You clearly have some of the greatest, maddest fans in the world.

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"Did you bring your chainsaw this week, Bill?"

"Yeah, it's in my bag, with the other dangerous weapons."

But – and sorry about this – you're just getting a few things very, very slightly wrong.

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Being British, usually we wouldn't say anything. But if you're going to be better than us at a sport that we invented, you might as well get it right.

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1. Firstly, it's not the BPL...

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2. It's also not called the EPL...

Excuse our French – we're British.
Mike Hewitt / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

Excuse our French – we're British.

3. You didn't watch the "game" at the weekend,

Children play games.
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Children play games.

4. It's not a "stadium", or an "arena", it's a ground. It just is.

AFP / Yasuyoshi Chiba

5. And your "squad" didn't win at the weekend,

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6. If you want to be even MORE correct, ask someone how their side got on at the weekend.

Look how much fun it is to watch football in Britain.
Martin Elliot / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

Look how much fun it is to watch football in Britain.

7. Actually, fuck it, just ask them this exact phrase:

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8. You NEVER "hit a shot on frame"...

Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

9. It's not "a good decision by the referee", it's a...

Bloody great shout, ref.
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Bloody great shout, ref.

10. The ref is still a wanker, obviously... but apparently you knew that already.

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11. It's never "zero–zero", it's "nil–nil", and there's nothing wrong with a hard-fought nil–nil with no shots on target.

"What happened in the match?""Nothing whatsoever.""Sounds good."
Gary M.Prior / Getty Images / BuzzFeed

"What happened in the match?"

"Nothing whatsoever."

"Sounds good."

12. It's not a "head-shot" it's a header.

It just is.
Getty Images / BuzzFeed

It just is.

13. And what the hell is the "Upper Ninety"...? THE UPPER NINETY?!

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"Top corner" is the phrase you are looking for.

14. It's not the "goal frame". Come on, this is so obvious and logical...

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15. Cleats? Nah... boots.

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16. It's a kit, not a "uniform". A uniform is when everyone wears the same thing, like in...

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17. But it's DEFINITELY not a "field". It's a pitch. You know what lives on a field?

Unlike cows, footballers don't shit all over the pitch.Well, actually, apart from that one time...
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Unlike cows, footballers don't shit all over the pitch.

Well, actually, apart from that one time...

18. Tim Howard isn't a "goaltender", he isn't a "goalie", he isn't even really a "goalkeeper". He's just a...

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19. And it's not a "goalkeeper punt", it's just a "goal kick", because you are kicking the ball in the opposite direction to the goal, get it?

Glyn Kirk / AFP / Getty Images


20. This is not a "wall pass", it's a "one-two".

We're inventive with our phrases.

21. And finally, it's not "soccer", it's "football". What kind of idiotic nation would invent a term like soccer...

Sorry, America.Love from the UK.
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Sorry, America.

Love from the UK.